Carly Morgan | Choosing to Fully Embrace Her Chinese Heritage

Stories in Our Roots  00:03

Welcome to the Stories in Our Roots podcast. I'm your host Heather Murphy. In this podcast, we dive deep into how knowing the stories of our ancestors can make a difference in our lives today. Discovering our family history is more than a hobby. It is a way to connected deeply with ourselves, those be loved, and the world around us.

Heather Murphy  00:26

Hello, welcome to another episode of Stories in Our Roots. I am so glad that you have decided to listen to Carly's story today. I had a great conversation with Carly about her Chinese side of her family and how she was frustrated when she couldn't find records for her Chinese ancestors that lived in the United States. Even when it seemed to her like she should have been able to find them. We talk about how she has chosen to embrace that side of her family to preserve that part of her heritage, even though it's been many generations since her family lived in China. Here is the interview with Carly Morgan.  Hi, Carly. Thanks for joining me on the podcast today. I'm excited to hear your stories and experiences. Could you start by introducing yourself?

Carly Morgan  01:19

Sure. I'm Carly Morgan. I am the writer and designer behind family tree notebooks, which is a system of worksheets that helps people organize their family history.

Heather Murphy  01:29

Okay. How did you first become interested in researching your own family history?

Carly Morgan  01:33

I have been interested in family history for a long time. But I actually really was pushed into doing it seriously, I grief. I had a cousin who passed away, she and I were the same age and she passed away when she was 18. After she was gone, I found myself trying to collect every photo and note and detail of her life as a way to keep her tangible. Because suddenly it felt like there was this sort of immediate need to just make sure that she wasn't forgotten, and that I could hang on to her as much as I possibly could. That sort of started everything. And then once I had captured a lot of her story, I just wanted to do that for the rest of my family and I haven't stopped.

Heather Murphy  02:13

Okay, so can you tell me a little bit about your family? Yeah, so

Carly Morgan  02:16

I'm biracial. My father side is Polish and German. And my mother's side is Chinese. As I was doing family history research, I was actually struck by how difficult it was to research my mother's side of the family because the Chinese people in my family had been in America for a very long time. You know, living in the Bay Area in California, they weren't always treated. As people, they were considered this separate community. And they didn't have the same paperwork in the same records. And no matter how much I studied how to research, the Caucasian side of my family, I would then turn around have to learn a completely different process or have different expectations for the Chinese side of my family, even though they were all in America at the same time, because the records just weren't parallel. It was a very interesting process. But it was occasionally really frustrating and challenging. And I, I have a good appreciation for how people in that position could feel like genealogy isn't for them that it's for people who have extensive records, people who have old family Bibles, and who can be found carved into monuments and town squares. And if you have a family where your records are hidden or maybe non existent, and the family stories you uncover are occasionally painful and full of prejudice. I could see how people would think, well, this isn't a comfortable, easy hobby. Why would I want to dig into this, but I actually feel like owning your family story and making sure that you bring those things to the surface. And that you have a sense of if this is your family story, and you want to dig into it that you have every right to even if it's difficult, and it looks different than somebody else's. I think that that's really important.

Heather Murphy  03:54

You mentioned that you have to modify your expectations from one side family to the other. How do you do that? What does that look like for you?

Carly Morgan  04:02

For example, the people in my family who came over from China, they don't have the same immigration records as my Caucasian family. They came over differently. And when they arrived, they were not treated as people who were new Americans, they were treated as visitors occasionally they were treated in a hostile way. When I couldn't find immigration records. You know, in the beginning, I felt like it was a failing on my part, as somebody who just didn't understand genealogy and F and he wasn't very good at research and was frustrated with myself that okay, I feel like I'm looking in the right place. But maybe I don't know what I'm doing. And I don't it's really just isn't for me. And it took a long time and a lot of researching the history of the area and the history of the country to understand that. The reason I wasn't finding those records just because they didn't exist, because the relationship that I assumed that my brave ancestors came over and we're welcomed with open arms as you know, new colorful people that we're going to help build our country. That that story wasn't the story that it happened in my misunderstanding was the problem, not my research skills.

Heather Murphy  05:06

Can you share a story of one of these ancestors on that side of the family that you've been able to learn about in spite of these roadblocks with being able to find records?

Carly Morgan  05:16

Yeah, my great grandparents who were think my great grandfather's parents came over from China, they came into San Francisco between 1860 and 1880, depending on which one you're talking about, I wasn't able to find paperwork for them for a long time. But the great great grandfather, he was a merchant who worked in San Francisco. And I was able to find a piece of paper that basically allowed him to be working in the United States, it was a citizenship paper that didn't actually give him citizenship. It just gave him permission to be here, basically, and I had a photo of him.  From that paper, I knowing that he was a merchant, I started doing research into the lives of Chinese merchants at the time, the lives of Chinese people in the Bay Area. And I learned about the roles of women, and how difficult it was to bring a wife over if you wanted to, you know, build your life up in America in California.

And one of the things that I learned was that when women were brought over, they literally were often brought over versus kind of coming of their own freewill. But a lot of women from China were put into positions where they came over for work, or they possibly were coming over kind of against their will. It sounds very foreign and hard to understand. But families, especially poor families in China would sell their daughters to dealers who would bring the girls over. And then when the girls arrived in San Francisco, they would be auctioned off. And there were different levels of auctions. And sometimes the girls would be hired as maids in house, we both worked in the house. And sometimes they would be hired into brothels, and there were brothels of different levels. But if you were a merchant, a Chinese man in San Francisco, going to the auctions was actually a really good and common way for you to find a wife, because those were the women that were coming over from China. And if you had the money in the status to be able to participate in auction, then you could get yourself a wife.

And that was the very backwards, roundabout way that I realized that that was how my great great grandmother had been brought over, and that she would have been purchased at auction most likely for her husband, which would explain no other little pieces of family history that I couldn't make make sense until I realized that that was you know why she didn't have certain kinds of paperwork. That was sort of the difference between why they were able to come together start a family in America at a time where it was it would have been very difficult. And it was all outside research, understanding the community, not necessarily finding specific paperwork that had their names written on it.

Heather Murphy  07:46

Yeah, it sounds like a lot of what you've learned about your family has been not just focusing on them, but focusing on their community and the country, both countries and what was going on at the time. How have you been involved in researching your family history when there's no records to find? Or when you get so frustrated about running into these walls that you've encountered? How do you still feel good about trying to research when it's so hard?

Carly Morgan  08:15

There have been times researching my family history where I have felt like not only is it a brick wall, it's an insurmountable gigantic brick fortress. And I'm never going to get through to the real story because it's been erased by time by prejudice by generations of people who didn't want to hang on to a pass that was either painful or just didn't seem useful to them. And so I don't have people in my family who kept journal entries about Oh, today I was persecuted in my community. And this is what happened. And it has felt occasionally, like, what am I doing, I'm practically making up a history by trying to fill in these holes. And by doing all this outside research, but the thing about it is that in a weird way, I love doing research on both sides of my family, but my father's side of the family is deep with records and facts and cousins. And there's so many places in America that I can go and stand there and say this is where so and so was born with my mother's side of the family because it's been so much more difficult. It's a different kind of rewarding. Every little sliver of information is cherished and as a new part of this story that I think not just me, but everybody in that part of the family had sort of thrown up their arms and said, Well, this isn't for us. We don't have a family history. It's just gone. And we will only ever have guesses or stories or assumptions.  The thing about it is that you're doing this historical research into the community.

There are assumptions that I could have made about my family. One of the really pervasive assumptions, especially about Chinese women at the time here in America is that the Chinese women that came over were all prostitutes. Part of that is because many of them did work as prostitutes, but part of that is because there was a real campaign of information that came out. That was encouraging prejudice against Chinese people that the men were willing, they were strange, and they were all hooked on opium and they were willing to work for nothing, and that they were godless. And the women that came over were these prostitutes that were going to trick Caucasian men into coming to the brothels, and they were going to get everybody sick.

It's funny how the prejudice didn't come down and reach me. But yet, I think if you had asked me, before I really started doing research, I would have said, Oh, I don't know, it's very possible that the women in my family were just prostitutes, and that the men in my family were low level laborers, being able to do the research that even though I don't have, you know, tons of information, I know that that particular thing isn't true. In my family, I have figured out that that story, which would have been true for some people, it just wasn't fact for everyone that Chinese American people can have a different history, that our history may look different.

But in a lot of ways, there were also very similar paths where my great great grandfather was a merchant, who then set up a shop. And he was very instrumental in setting up this community and this place in California called China camp, and that they wanted to put down roots and that they wanted to have a school and have a community and have publications.  And I just feel like being able to put any flesh on the bones, and giving them more of an identity so that they aren't these sort of just characters in a movie that make up the background. But they were actually people who made decisions and had struggles and had triumphs and all of that, that is the thing that keeps me pushing forward, even when I'm frustrated about the big gaps that I still have in that family tree, because I do feel like in some way or another, those gaps will get filled in, and it'll be worth it.

Heather Murphy  11:40

And what have been the benefits to you either from just like sticking with it when it's hard or things that you've learned about that side of your family that have benefited your life today?

Carly Morgan  11:51

I think that doing the genealogy research and being able to flesh out those people in my family tree. On a personal level, it does make me feel more connected to that side of my family, my grandparents are gone. And that side, a lot of people in that side of the family had passed away, I feel like it is a way of feeling connected to all of them to be doing research with people that connected us ancestors that we had in common.  But as somebody who's biracial, and I'm somebody who can very easily pass for being somebody who's just Caucasian, I think that I have to put more effort into keeping a hold of my identity as a Chinese woman, which is something that I identify as I also identify as a Caucasian woman, which I think that unless you're biracial, that can be a little bit confusing, but I feel very strongly that I am Chinese. And I don't want my identity as a Chinese person to be things that people handed to me or that I gathered from assumptions. I want it to be fact based, being able to anchor myself in these stories of my family, and then coming over from China and those traditions and things like that. It just allows me to feel like the Chinese side of me the Chinese side of my family, it isn't imagined or is it something that's like in a weird way, not for me because physically I don't have that appearance. And because we don't have the same lifestyle and we don't have the same or we did haven't kept a lot of the same traditions. I can still have that because I have the stories and the facts and I'm active in keeping that connection to my family. It's not something that's just passively in the background for me. And yeah, I get a lot of I get a lot of joy out of that.

Stories in Our Roots  13:24

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Heather Murphy  14:06

And what are some other ways other than just doing their research that you maintain or strengthen that relationship with that side of who you are?

Carly Morgan  14:16

I love to share the research I love to bring this out to my you know the family members that I have that we share this common ancestors but I also have brought back or strengthened some of the traditions that we had in our family I made sure that they didn't get lost and by doing some of the historical research I've actually just tried to include things that they would have done you know foods or celebrations traditions I speak to my children very often about the Chinese side of their family and you know the struggles but then also just daily life and that this is what they did and what do you think you know, would you want to do this we are very active in celebrating Chinese New Year my kids I'll have Chinese names we had special ceremonies for them when they were born and not all of that comes strictly From the records or from the family trees, some of that is not invented. But definitely I had to go out and find it and then realize, Oh, this is part of my heritage, this is not separate for me. And to make sure that it stays alive in my family, I'm going to wake it up, and we incorporate it into our daily life,

Heather Murphy  15:16

And how have other family members responded to you, I like how you started waking up kind of that history of your family?

Carly Morgan  15:24

It's been fun. I mean, it's sometimes it's challenging. It's funny how different people react to family history, I think that family history can occasionally be that painful reminder of grief of separation, that this is a memory or a record or something that touched him, this person that passed away, and is no longer with us, or this record or discovery would have meant so much to this person who passed away before we made it. And so you know, depending on what it is that I'm waking up, sometimes it's by the most of the time it's positive.  I do think that there's a little bit of humor, when I have really brought in, you know, things that are strongly Chinese and I know insisted on my kids receiving Chinese names from their elders and insisted on the ceremonies. Because I am half Caucasian, and I'm married to a Caucasian man, My children are Chinese, but much less even than I am. People in my Chinese side of the family, the rest of them all look very Chinese. So it's sort of a funny thing that being mostly white, almost six feet tall, and just storming in and saying, No, no, we are we need to eat the special, you know, turnips, and radishes, and we're going to do the special, just because I'm sort of an unlikely character to be like, we need to hang on to our Chinese roots. So I think if anything, it's sort of been tolerated, sometimes with a lot of humor.  But I also think there's an appreciation for the idea that we aren't going to lose this, that it's okay for us to hang on to this and to have it be joyful and not a sad thing that's full of grief that we continue to talk about these people and happy celebrations, I think a lot of family historians probably relate to occasionally having to drag their family members a little reluctantly into the family history celebration. So whether they like it or not, we're gonna keep those traditions alive and stay connected. And that's sort of my approach.

Heather Murphy  17:04

I really like how you say you can focus on those areas that are happy and joyful, that connect you to the past, you still acknowledge those things that were negative, and that you're sad that happened. But by focusing on those positive things, it's easier to continue it through future generations and build on the past. Do you have any other ancestors that you've researched, that has really impacted you learning their stories?

Carly Morgan  17:33

Yes, there's a woman that my great grandmother who's actually also on my mother's side was a very interesting character. She was Caucasian, but she I knew when I was young, that she was Caucasian, that she had been raised in an orphanage. And that as an adult, she was kind of a funny little woman, cigar smoking, wore men's clothing and was instrumental in this fishing camp in Chinacamp.  And she was like, really a big part of this Chinese culture. But she was a white woman. And she was just always sort of this larger than life character. And I made a lot of assumptions about her being in an orphanage. And I thought of her as being like Little Orphan Annie and that her life is just sad and 30 and cold, and that then she was sort of rescued into this Chinese community.  As an adult I started researching Her story is actually fascinating. And I think out of all my ancestors, she's my favorite one to research because what I uncovered was that she was part of this strange underground and illegal adoption process where white children were placed with Chinese foster parents for money at a time when that would not have been acceptable socially. And actually, it wasn't really acceptable legally. She grew up with foster parents who were Chinese or adopted parents. And if you want to call them that these people believed that they had adopted this child and would keep her forever. She lived in San Francisco through the big 1906 earthquake and was with them.  And then around her ninth birthday, after a series of investigations and people, you know, noticing I think this child is Caucasian. There was actually a court proceeding and she was separated from her parents because it was deemed cruel to allow a white child to be raised in a Chinese home that would be cruel to the white child and that she deserved better. So she was forcibly separated. Unfortunately, because she had grown up in Chinatown. She didn't speak English. She was therefore placed in a Chinese orphanage where she spent the rest of her childhood. So in this weird way, they separated her from her parents because she grew up only knowing Chinese people and mostly speaking Chinese in the Cameron house, which is a famous Presbyterian Chinese orphanage in San Francisco.  And so as a young woman, when she aged out of being in the orphanage, she went out and happened to meet a man who was part of this other family who was they were merchants in this little Chinese fishing village and they fell in love. And I also found out that they never got married. They told everybody they got married, but it was illegal in California for a Chinese man to marry a white woman. So they went to Nevada and said they got married there and came back. Turns out it was just as illegal. Nevada. So basically, I think they went to Reno and said, Okay, we're gonna tell everybody we got married, and then they drove home. And, you know, we're treated as man and wife, she becomes as part of this Chinese fishing village.  And after he passes, she takes it over. And she's this matriarch. And she's this person who strongly identifies as a Chinese American woman. And she's herself as a Chinese parent, and all of this, and yet she's completely biologically Caucasian. And I think about her now. And I think about how hard she had to cling to this identity that people over and over again told her that she didn't have that she wasn't allowed to get married, because she wasn't a Chinese woman, she couldn't stay with their parents, because she wasn't a Chinese girl, that you just you basically don't get to be Chinese. And this is at a time when being Chinese was not something that anybody not, I want to say nobody wanted it. But like, it was a very hard time and place to be Chinese. And she insisted on being a Chinese woman, whether anybody liked it or not. And she died being somebody who's such a big part of that history that there is a Chinese shrimping junk, a boat that floats in the San Francisco Bay. And they bring it out for ceremonies and stuff like that as part of the city's tribute to the Chinese community. And it's named the Grace Kwan is named after her. And yet, if we were going to straight say, strictly DNA, she wasn't a Chinese woman. And she might be the most Chinese person, my entire family tree just because she was so active about it. And I feel like I really identify with that.

Heather Murphy  21:19

And so how do you identify with that?

Carly Morgan  21:22

I just I identify with the fact that she had a history she had, she didn't know her parents were but she had her personal history, Cheryl, these things have happened. And a lot of them could have been viewed as very tragic and very sad. And it would have been easier for her in many ways, if she had just decided to let go of the sad things and gone on to be this Caucasian woman who had certain rights and could have gotten legally married and all that sort of stuff. And she took what people would see as tragic and said, No, I own this, and I'm in charge of it, you don't get to tell me basically what my history is. I'm gonna tell you what my story is. her whole life just was that struggle against other people trying to identify her versus who she knew she was.  And I feel like not just from a racial standpoint, but I feel like everybody can kind of identify with who you think you are versus who other people are telling you that you are. And that conflict of it would be easier for me if I just give in. And yet there's this part of me that says, No, no, I'm this thing. It's, it's not comfortable for you, but this is who I am. And I really liked that about her thinks.

Heather Murphy  22:26

If you could give advice to someone who was just starting out researching their family history, what would you tell them?

Carly Morgan  22:33

 I think it's really easy to get overwhelmed. And to have a feeling of inadequacy, when you're faced with just a huge number of relatives, a huge number of records, or an overwhelming amount of what you don't know, I always tell people just go a page at a time, which for a lot of people, it just means the fact that a time, you know, maybe today you just try to figure out if you can find this one marriage record for this one person, don't worry about their whole family and their parents and their cousins and their grandfather. And if you go a page at a time, and in fact, the time, it will naturally build. And you will put together this story. It's kind of like a puzzle, you can't always just look at all of the pieces and know what you're looking at. But if you do piece at a time, it will come together, whether it makes any sense to you or not.  I also always tell people that genealogy is not one of those things where there's very often like a rush or a time limit, you can make a little bit of progress, and then a lot of progress and the no progress. But it's still progress, and that a lot of people's genealogical journeys are uneven. But that doesn't mean that they aren't going to end up with a rich family story that they can share and pass on. So if you aren't making a lot of progress right now, just don't give up because it will it'll come together.

Heather Murphy  23:42

Yeah. And I think part of that is understanding that research. We research our family histories for ourselves primarily. And so we don't need to put expectations on ourselves that are somebody else's expectations. And that as the our lives ebb and flow, that soul, our family history, because it will address the needs that we have, at the time that that's what we need to do.

Carly Morgan  24:05

Yeah, it's so true. And I think that trying to make your family history look like somebody else's family history is a lot like trying to make your story or family story look like somebody else's, that that can almost lead you in a bad direction where you think, Okay, I have to make this fit. I just I can't believe how often genealogy continues to surprise me. And there's sort of a point where you have to throw your arms up and say, I'm just going to be open to learning. I'm going to be open to information and open to the journey. And it's going to teach me what it wants to teach me not I'm going to force it to be this thing that I want it to look like when I'm finished. That's the other thing is that when people say oh, I finished my genealogy, I just think no you did. Never. What are you talking about? It's a good process.

Heather Murphy  24:45

Well, thank you so much for sharing your stories and experiences. It's been an honor to hear your story.

Carly Morgan  24:51

It was a lot of fun to be here. Thank you.

Stories in Our Roots  24:54

Thank you for joining me today for Stories in Our Roots. Please help this podcast grow by subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with your friends. If you have feedback or would like to recommend someone to share their story, head to storiesinourroots.com and fill out the form. Thanks again for listening and I look forward to being with you again next week.