Iris Alicea Flores | The Healing Gift of Knowing Her Family Stories

Stories in Our Roots
Iris Alicea Flores | Finding Healing by Learning the Stories of Her Ancestors

20 October 2020 • 25:10

SPEAKERS

Heather Murphy, Iris Alicea Flores

Stories in Our Roots  00:03

Welcome to the Stories in our Roots podcast. I'm your host Heather Murphy. In this podcast, we dive deep into how knowing the stories of our ancestors can make a difference in our lives today. Discovering our family history is more than a hobby. It is a way to connect deeply with ourselves, those we love and the world around us.

Heather Murphy  00:26

Hello, and welcome to Stories in Our Roots. I am Heather Murphy. Today I talk with Iris Alicea Flores. She began researching her family history as an adult. She wanted to learn about her Abuela Faustina, who she never knew. Along her research journey she learned of tragedies in her family which helped her to better understand and have compassion for her father. Learning her family history has been a gift to Iris, not only for herself, but also as she shared what she's learned with family members who never knew some of the things that she was finding. I'm delighted to share with you this interview with Iris.

Heather Murphy  01:11

Today, I am delighted to be with Iris and have her share her story about how family history has impacted her life. Just to start Iris, could you just give a little introduction about yourself.

Iris Alicea Flores  01:25

So my name is Iris Alicea Flores. I'm actually I am originally from Puerto Rico. But I then we moved here to Massachusetts where I've been since 1988, on and off. Because I did go back to Puerto Rico for college. I'm the oldest of six kids. And now I am a mom of two and been married with my husband for 25, or been with my husband for 25 years married 15. And now, about a year ago, I officially founded this Descubre Tu Historia, which is Discover Your Story in Spanish. And it is a dream of mine that literally has come true. Something I never envisioned. I more envisioned it as a hobby until many changes a year ago and decided to make it a reality. And it has and now I'm doing it and trying to get people to especially Latinos, Latinas, and Latinx to inspire them to get in touch with their family stories and letting them know that our stories are out there. You know, considering our countries, most of us our countries were colonized by Spain, so documentation can be, so I just want I want to inspire letting them know that even though, yes, there's hurdles, because I'm not gonna lie, there's always hurdles. But information is out there. And it is possible. And I think also, there's just so much so much healing when you finally get to find your family story, especially in mine there definitely has been a lot of healing.

Heather Murphy  03:03

Great, and I look forward to talking about that a little bit later. So how did you first start becoming interested in researching your family's history?

Iris Alicea Flores  03:12

I've always had a love for history that's been there since I can even the most beginning of time. It's actually something that I've shared with my dad. We love history. But you know, once college came around, I kind of veered myself away from it, you know, and and went another direction. But the love for it has always been there, the love for research. I've always had a knack for finding and, and just love the hunt of it all. And then it just grew. It's something that no matter how much I kept putting it to the side, it just grew, the desire to want to do it. I mean, my bachelors was in business admin. I don't own one book. I have all these history books. So that's where it started. It grew, it grew from there. Listening to my grandparents, I'm very lucky to even to this day, to have my maternal grandparents, and listening to them telling stories of growing up in Puerto Rico, in the 30s and in the 40s. It's just it's always inspiring me. I want to know more. I want to know who they were. I wanted to know who my great grandparents were. And obviously, well for me, the fact that I didn't know much about I know so much about my maternal didn't know much about my paternal and I just wanted to know that moved me even more to go finally make the decision to start my research.

Heather Murphy  04:44

So your maternal grandparents, did they come to the United States as well. to mainland United States as well?

Iris Alicea Flores  04:51

They were one of those that that was very common, where people would move to the United States and kind of move back. So my mom, my grandparents came to New York City but then in 1973, they moved back to Puerto Rico. And then in 2007, when my daughter was born, they moved back to the mainland.

Heather Murphy  05:11

So is that why you have more of a connection? Because they have been? Or why is it you have more of a connection with your maternal side than your paternal side?

Iris Alicea Flores  05:21

My father tragically lost his mom well lost his mom when he was 10. So my maternal grandmother was not around. And then my grandpa, my paternal grandfather passed when I was six. And before that, we didn't see him very much. So I don't have a lot of memories of him. And so that's why. I did have my, I call her my Abuela Iris. But she was abuela. To my teens, I actually did not realize well into my teens that I did not have a biological connection to my abuela because that's how much I didn't really know about my dad's story. And but to me, she's my abuela, but she's the she took in my, my, my aunts and uncles and my dad and raised them, four of them.

Heather Murphy  06:06

So who was the first person in your family that you actually started researching that you said, I want to learn about this person?

Iris Alicea Flores  06:13

I wanted to learn about my... Okay, that makes me... I wanted to learn about my Abuela Faustina. I'm very attached to the women in my family. My two aunts from my dad's side, they're amazing women, and I love, or three aunts, but two of them I'm especially close to because they were they lived in Puerto Rico while I was a kid there. And they're so amazing. And I've always wondered was she like them? Did she look like them? And they're very strong women with strong character. I only seen this one picture, like when I was 15 years old. And that's all I really and I had never really heard much. I know, from family get togethers, when the all the siblings get together, there's a lot of passionate talk, speech, you know, they start very speaking very passionately. There's tension. And I wanted to know, I wanted to know what was that what happened that that causes so much feeling in all of them. I wanted to know, you know.

Iris Alicea Flores  07:19

Even though my dad lost his mom when he was 10, even though he didn't speak a lot about her, I could see how much when he would mention her the pain and or in it was just little things. And I just I wanted to see know who she was. I wanted to know a little more about her. And from knowing nothing she's actually one of the lines that I've been able to go back the long, the furthest, which is pretty cool, because I literally barely knew anything.

Heather Murphy  07:49

And so what did it mean to you? Once you started learning things about her?

Iris Alicea Flores  07:53

She became real. To me growing up, she was just Aubela Faustina, just a name. Basically. It didn't even feel right to say abuela because I never knew her as my abuela, abuela. When I saw all, her birth certificate was the first thing I found. And then the census, and I started reading them. And she became real. She became my abuela. This is my abuela. So actually, last summer, not this past summer this summer would be, because of Covid I couldn't go to Puerto Rico. I actually went to the town she grew up in. I didn't even know the town she had grown up in. I'm from the northern part of Puerto Rico, Bayamon, the metropolitan area. And so she was actually born in the south east of Puerto Rico, which I had never really been to much. So it was amazing to, I actually drove, we drove up to where her barrio was. So just thinking she may have been here, she might have stood there. It was very emotional.

Heather Murphy  08:59

On your blog, you've written about how you share this information with your family. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Iris Alicea Flores  09:06

I was a little nervous. Still, and I there's so much I can still speak to them about but I still have to tread very carefully. Because it is a, it is a background that's you know a lot happened to them. A lot of a lot of things happened. But sharing it with my dad was something that... It finally got... I was scared at first, I was really scared. I wasn't sure how he would react. Not that I think he would be mad but just emotionally I didn't know how I was going to impact him. And it actually, finally started, I started hearing stories I had not heard before about her. How kind she was. Like he says she she was the type of person that she would see a homeless person in the... I guess there was one time a person that he was homeless and he said, "Can I just sleep on your porch?" and she just let him you know. She was just that kind of person. Just knowing what a big heart she had. And now I can I finally was like, oh, okay, I see where we have in common, where I may have gotten certain things from her. And it's like that connection kept getting stronger and more clear.

Heather Murphy  10:19

That is neat. What other ancestors have you learned about whose stories have impacted you?

Iris Alicea Flores  10:26

Ah, I've been very focused on my, especially my... So my, actually my great grandfather, this is my maternal side. My maternal grandfather, his father committed suicide when my grandfather was four years old. So we really didn't know anything about him. I was able to find his death certificate and confirm details to my grandfather that he didn't know. And it was really. he was another one that there's things that you see in your own family, that you see struggles within your family, your wonder sometimes where do these struggles come from? And just seeing the things obviously, how he ended up leaving four children, three children, one, and on the way. And sharing that with my grandfather was one of the, that's I think that was the first time I realized the gift, the gift of sharing these stories. There's also I see this struggle there. So my, this would be my great grandmother. This is from my paternal side, she her name is Cristina Agusto. So she was the mother of my paternal grandfather. I found out she, she found herself a single mother in the 30s and in Puerto Rico, just her two kids. And she worked in the tobacco factory, which I learned, like doing more research trying to find out what life was like. So the factory would give out, they would hire a lot of women to work in the tobacco factory. That was a way they were able to have a job, a steady somewhat of a steady income. And just through the censuses and reading the stories, kind of start getting a picture. I just think back like what could have been for her, a woman in the 30s with two children, not were, not an easy working situation. It wasn't the best working environment either. And, and just and I really, really connected with her. And she ended up passing in the 50s, actually. So that was another one learning more about my grandfather and his losses, and what he went through. So he lost his his mom really early on, and his sister because his sister passed when she was 20 from tuberculosis.

Stories in Our Roots  12:54

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Heather Murphy  13:35

So one of the things you mentioned on your blog is that learning these things has helped you understand why your living relatives are the way they are. Can you talk about that for a little bit?

Iris Alicea Flores  13:48

Yeah, so growing up, you know, my, my father, while he's always been a great, a great provider. And I know he's always tried his best. But you could see in his parenting, there were certain things and you could see the emotional struggle. There was a lot of struggle. I couldn't understand like what was happening where... Why, why, why do you say...? Why are you, do you act like this while you're hot here, cold there, you know? It was so, sometimes it was so hard. That's one of the reasons I started digging into my paternal sides. I wanted to know. So when I found out I started digging into my paternal grandfather who he was an alcoholic, and I that's one of the reasons we never got to see him much before he passed. To see him come for real, you know, his story. How he lost his mother pretty quickly lost his, lost his sister then pretty quickly lost his mother. I could see though how those... I seen the men in the family and how attached they are to family and especially their mothers. I can see see how maybe that could have impacted him. Even though I know he's not a man that made the best decisions in the world. He made a lot of mistakes. I felt for that young man. I cried for him. I just sat there and just cried.

Iris Alicea Flores  15:16

And then finally, when I was started sharing with my dad, I found out about him and how he would take, he has a shoe shine kit, which he has it to this day. He has it in his closet. And he would take this shoe shine kit when he was six years old and he would take the ferry from Catano to Old San Juan to shine shoes so he could buy medicine for his mom. And I look at my son. I think stature wise, he's the one that looks mostly like my dad. He was a small six year old now he's nine. And I remember at the time just looking at my son and saying my dad was, that's exactly what my dad looked like. For the first time ever, I was able to understand and really empathize by seeing that, the son that lost his mom, the son that was taken away from his dad, and really understood. Finally, just didn't see just my dad, the dad that didn't always understand me, the dad that was always sometimes unreasonably strict. I saw I saw the son.  I saw the the son that suffered. The son that was missing.... I can, I'm really close to my mom. I can't imagine losing her. And I'm 40. I can't imagine him losing his mom at 10.

Heather Murphy  16:37

I think that's a beautiful part of learning our family's history is that it helps us to see people as whole people and not just as certain times in their life

Iris Alicea Flores  16:48

Absolutely. Its the same with my grandfather. He was always my grandfather, the man that if I needed something and helped me and love to spar with because we love to argue about politics. It was just you never talked about it. We never, I knew about his father, but I didn't know, we didn't really talk about it or talk about how it affected him. When I showed him his the death certificate. And we're going through stuff and he's looking and he focuses on that it says taxista...or chofer. He says chofer, that he was a chauffeur. His voice, it was just the tone of his voice. And he says, "Papi era chofer." I heard the little boy, I heard him. That's when I knew, I knew this needed, I needed to do this for others, not just for my family. But I want to do this for others.

Heather Murphy  17:42

In reading your different blogs, that was one of the things that stuck out. Just one little detail that he didn't know that he really gravitated toward, that really touched him. And then also, I don't remember which one of your relatives, maybe it was that your mother made rice the way that your father's mother did it.

Iris Alicea Flores  18:03

So just making rice, you know, everybody in Puerto Rico, we have different ways of making rice, Puerto Rican rice. My mom makes it a certain way. And just naturally by instinct, I never even thought about it. I make rice a certain way. And that's what she said to me. "Tu abuela, you're you're abuela made rice that way. Your dad said you're you're abuela made rice the way you're making it." And just that one little thing for me, it was like, "Okay, I make rice like my abuela!"

Heather Murphy  18:39

I just thought that was so touching that these things that we get from our ancestors, they don't have to be very big or complicated. They don't have to be some politician of the town or do some great thing. They can simply pass down how they make rice.

Iris Alicea Flores  18:55

I know just it's it is it is a simple thing. And it's not, you know, gathering names, I mean it, or how far I can get, sometimes is just that finding, helping someone find answers in finding the little things that can just make a world of difference. And just the healing. I mean, the the healing that came from that for me, it helped me let go of so much. And again, this is it's the why I got to do this. I found my purpose.

Heather Murphy  19:29

Well, and one of the things I've heard about people with ancestors in Latin America, Puerto Rico might be a little bit different because it's technically part of the United States, so the records are a little bit different, but they say it's so hard to find the stories of their ancestors. You talked about finding just that little bit in a death record or talking to relatives. How have you been most successful at finding the story and not just the dates?

Iris Alicea Flores  19:59

Actually la Sociedad Puertorriqueña de Geneologia, the society of the Puerto Rican society, trying to translate it while I'm saying it, Puerto Rican Genealogical Society, they've been doing amazing work. And I am a member of the society. And they're just, it's a treasure trove of information that they finding. And it's just sad that I don't think, so many of us are not aware that they're there. Actually they're even, I didn't know they were there. And I went to the Inter-American University of Puerto Rico. And that's where the headquarters was, in a different campus, but still. It's that people are just so not aware. And that's one of the biggest things have been digging into everything that. all the works that they have had and the different volumes of research. The good thing is the Spanish birth certificates and death certificates, they do kind of give you a lot of information. So that is the great thing. And I am a I am fluent in Spanish, so I'm able to read them. And I have a knack of reading that cursive. It gets tricky as I get into the 1700s. But here are the abbreviations. But it's putting everything, trying to piece together. Obviously, the University of Puerto Rico has great archives, when it comes to some of the newspapers. So that's how I was able to help someone, they were trying to help find information regarding a scandal that may have happened in the family, and I helped them that way. So that's how I've been able to mostly piece you know, just between the internet and just groups, the society genealogical societies, and, okay, they're reading this, and I just, okay, I gotta order that book. I gotta do this. There's a lot, but there's a lot of amazing work going on.

Heather Murphy  21:53

What advice would you give someone who was just starting to research their family history?

Iris Alicea Flores  21:59

Definitely start small. In other words, I know we all have a lot of questions. But it can get so overwhelming really quickly. And so really, what is that one question that keeps plaguing you? For me, it was who was my maternal grandmother? So she was my focus when I first started. And that's where you need to start small, be open, open heart, open mind. Especially in Puerto Rico, in the Caribbean, we're very mixed. So you will get a very, it's a very big mix in your lines. And you're gonna run into things that you might have an issue with. I always say give yourself time to work. For me, for example, when I found out my seventh great grandfather was a free person of color, but also a slave owner I was that was like, okay, I need to walk away, I need to process. And give yourself time to process. But keep an open mind and open heart. Because these are all of our ancestors.

Iris Alicea Flores  23:02

I've noticed in especially in the Latino community, there's a lot of hesitation because of how mixed we are. What are we going to find? And there's that fear of what are we going to find. And let go of that fear. I mean, at the end of the day, you it's just the gift you give yourself by knowing where you come from finding ancestors that you didn't expect. It is a beautiful thing. And there are going, things you're going to find that are not, that you're going to have to give yourself time to process. And give yourself that moment to process and then keep researching because it's the best gift you you give to yourself is to know more about your ancestors and know about you, where you come from or your family. And it's a gift you give to your family. It's amazing when I get to share with them, this is what I found, and the gift just keeps going.

Heather Murphy  23:56

Thank you so much for that beautiful advice. I'm just soaking it all in. Here. Yeah. Oh, thank you so much for talking with me. It has been a delight. And I will include links to your blog and social media handles and everything in the show notes so that people can reach out to if they want some help and direction from someone who knows where they're coming from who has that same ancestry. Sometimes it's a little bit easier to get help from someone who has looked at the same things that you're looking at.

Iris Alicea Flores  24:35

Thank you so much for having me.

Heather Murphy  24:37

Oh, it was great to talk with you.

Iris Alicea Flores  24:40

Yes, the same same.

Stories in Our Roots  24:43

Thank you for joining me today for Stories in Our Roots. Please help this podcast grow by subscribing leaving a review and sharing it your friends. If you have feedback or would like to recommend someone to share their story head to storiesinourroots.com and fill out the form. Thanks again for listening, and I look forward to being with you again next week.