Lisa Coffey | Family History When Records Are Inaccessible

Stories in Our Roots 0:03
Welcome to the Stories in Our Roots podcast. I'm your host Heather Murphy. In this podcast, we dive deep into how knowing the stories of our ancestors can make a difference in our lives today. Discovering our family history is more than a hobby. It is a way to connect deeply with ourselves, those we love and the world around us.

Heather Murphy 0:26
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Stories in Our Roots. I am Heather Murphy. Today I talk with Lisa Coffey. Lisa spent about 30 years wishing that she could learn about her family history, but she was unable to because she couldn't access the records. Her family was from Mexico and she just couldn't make the trip to go find those records. She shares what her understanding of family history is how she started using journaling as a way to preserve memories and connect not only with her family and future family, but with herself. Listen how she explains what it was like to finally be able to find those records and piece together the family stories that she'd heard little snippets of in her younger years. Here is the interview with Lisa Coffey. Thank you Lisa, for joining me today I am looking forward to talking with you and giving you the opportunity to share your family's stories and why they are meaningful to you. Could you start by introducing yourself?

Lisa Coffey 1:32
Well, thank you, first of all for letting me share. My name is Lisa Coffey. My husband and I currently live in Idaho. We've been married for almost 39 years. And we have four children and one granddaughter as far as what we'll be talking about this but as far as family history goes, I've just always been I've been curious about it since I was a kid really because my family are. Were actually Mexican Americans. I don't know the proper term to use for that. But I'm a first generation American. And so just you know, coming from immigrant heritage so close to me, where I was born in America, but my dad, wasn't it just as always set off this curiosity like What was that? Like? What was it like to leave the country where you spoke a certain language? And then you had to start all over again? Yeah, I love to journal I should say sorry, I that's a big, really big piece of my, my whole my whole feeling about what family history is.

Heather Murphy 2:23
Well, what is your story on how you first started becoming interested in researching and digging up those stories?

Lisa Coffey 2:31
Yeah, like I said, when I was a little girl, oh, I just thought it was so interesting. Because my parents would speak Spanish at home and my grandfather and my cousins. I didn't grow up speaking fluently. But I grew up with that heritage right in my home. And I always thought, why doesn't somebody just sit me down and tell me what it was like to leave? My dad was an infant. So you couldn't really tell me that. But unfortunately, his mom and dad are not unfortunately. But they lived in Chicago, which isn't exactly a hop, skip and a jump from New Orleans. And you know, we didn't travel that much as a family. That would be a long haul for us by train when I was little. And so I just felt like I only knew part of my own story. And so I guess that kind of curiosity stayed with me. And so I mean, it was like in my early young adult years where I started to say, Okay, I really want to find this, but I couldn't, no matter how hard I try, I mean, you know, when was I going to go to Mexico and dig through their archives. I mean, it was decades and decades later in 2016, where I learned that ancestry.com and familysearch.org has started uploading millions of index records from Mexico and right after that, I started finding my mom's side and my dad, well, not my dad's side, the challenge. My mom's side was a little bit easier to get to, but it just took decades. You know, my curiosity didn't let up. I was found that I was going to find this out.

Heather Murphy 3:54
You said your dad was from Mexico. Where's your mom from?

Lisa Coffey 3:57
So my mom is a first generation American also her mother. Her mother's family is Sicilian and German. And my but her dad came over from Mexico City. So three out of my four grandparents are Mexican nationals but emigrated. So I suppose then they became American citizens.

Heather Murphy 4:14
So were you able to learn anything from your grandparents before you were able to access records?

Lisa Coffey 4:20
No, I wasn't. And that's why I lament so much that there weren't any record written records. My grandfather, the grandfather, I did live near. I lived in outer part of the Greater New Orleans area, and he lived in New Orleans. He was so busy, he had a thriving restaurant, which is great. But he was tired. And he'd come upstairs and take a rest and then go back downstairs again to where the restaurant was. And so and my and my grandmother, I think it was just that generation, you know, they were born. My grandfather was born in the late 1890s. My grandmother was probably born around the turn of the century and my parents went through World War Two. So there's something about that generation that for some reason in my family at least, there wasn't a lot of passing down of street And then like I said, since my dad was an infant, there wasn't anything he could really tell me about what that was like. So, yeah, so there's kind of a Yeah, I wish I had known my my dad's parents to ask him those questions because they did live in, like I said, in Chicago, but never a champ.

Heather Murphy 5:18
Yeah, I was just curious, because sometimes those immigrants don't like talking about life before. And so I was just wondering if, if that was the feeling in your family that that was before and we're just going to focus on the future?

Lisa Coffey 5:31
Yeah, you know, I think that comes less. My experience has been and being around a lot of people who are I mean, my mother's family is still down there. He was the only her dad was the only sibling out of 10. To leave. So they're all down there. They have a really close relationship. So I they're not they don't seem to have any of that sort of collective trauma about immigration. But I understand what you're saying, on my dad's side, since I don't know them that well. But I just think it's a generational thing. You know, it was like my parents were so determined that we would go to college and have the things they didn't have that kind of thinking. So I don't know so much that it was about turning away from what was hard, or terribly traumatic or anything. I think it was just, hey, we're here. And we're going to move forward. And I don't sense that there was any of that really, in my family.

Heather Murphy 6:17
You know, that's nice. Just so that wasn't the opportunity, more so than

Lisa Coffey 6:20
It was it was just, you know, my grandfather found work. Both of my grandfather's found work, and then they just started from there.

Heather Murphy 6:28
All right, what's the favorite story that you have you found through your research?

Lisa Coffey 6:32
Oh, wow, through my research, okay. So this is kind of hard to describe, because you know, how it's in bits and pieces, information comes in little tiny bits and pieces. You know, it's a photo that my mom sent me, because she knows I like new I like memories. Both my parents have long since passed away. She would send me letters, she would send me photographs with things written on the back. And so it took me a long time to piece together, for example, when they met, you know, I mean, this is a story everybody wants to know about your parents, it turns out that, and I finally found a record in like 2018, it was just a couple of years ago, that my dad's parents, my dad's father came to New one to New Orleans to find work with, I think it was about 1921. And my grandmother followed him after Well, I didn't know until like, 2017, seriously, where they left from and where they crossed over. And I found their border crossing record. And it's a 2008 17. And I was just so thrilled because it's like I was telling, you know, I have a piece of this immigration story. Okay, they must have gotten there in the train. And let me see where they came from. Of course, that's another research you know, that doesn't take decades but in doing this, what's really great is that I've connected with living couple of my cousins right. And so they're helping me get a little bit more of the information but that's probably one of my favorite stories I think is just finally seeing the paper that said, okay, grandma Consuelo her two year old son, Manuel and and baby in arms, hey, Seuss, which was my dad, this is where they crossed. This is when they crossed and look at the destination says, Come into Louisiana. I remember when I was little my mom to use that that city's name. She said he went to Covington but no one could tell me anything else. Now I have the proof. That was really exciting. That was really exciting.

Heather Murphy 8:18
So what was their life like when they first came to the United States?

Lisa Coffey 8:23
Okay, so as far as my grandfather, my maternal grandfather, he was actually a merchant marine. He sailed around the world. And New Orleans is a port city, obviously. And so he just decided to stay. You know, his ship came into New Orleans, he's decided to stay. He met my sweet little tiny grandmother who's half Sicilian and half French and was an American, right? She was an English speaking person, because she'd been born and raised in New Orleans. And they met and fell in love. And so he taught her Spanish, she did speak a word of Spanish. And it was just the cutest story that he and because I always had it primal learn how to know, because they were in love. And so that's one cool story that I love so much. And so then he, he was talented in a lot of ways. He could do a lot of different kinds of work. And so they did actually go to Michigan with some family for a while to clean railroad cars. I think that was a big, you know, thing in Michigan and in Chicago and those places, but I think it probably was just too cold for my sweet grandmother who had been raised in New Orleans. And after I did finally find them on a census that was another search and find a school. So they moved back to New Orleans, and then he set up his restaurant and it just did so well so that he could raise my three aunts and my mom, you know, with a really full life, you know, and then help us when we were growing up to in their loving way. As far as my dad's parents. I think the story might have been harder though, because my paternal grandfather, like I said, I think it was 1921 and then I find that the crossing the border crossing record official record that she was arriving in New Orleans in 1922. But then her third time I was born my Aunt Mary. And when her mother and woman named muddy, Ella soya left to visit when the baby was born, my Aunt Mary was born, she arrived in New Orleans. And I was told for years that she had been bitten by a mosquito and died of a fever the next day. I know it seems crazy, but back then, you know, things being the way they were. And it was always a really sad story. But I didn't have that confirmed to me again until like, 2017 when I found her death record by looking through Louisiana State vital statistics and I just about I, I mean, I was just so emotionally overcome, because I saw it and, and it was really hard. You know, it struck grief to my heart because of such as she goes to see her daughter, who's in the United States, and I assume she would have lived there and stayed. And so I have a picture of her grave, which is, I don't know where I got that from. And I have pictures of her as an early bride a couple of pictures of her. But that's, that's about it. But yeah, so that story, I don't think was, was very happy. But they did all end up moving to Chicago, and then later, oh, sorry. And I skipped back but and go back to New Orleans. So my Aunt Mary was born in New Orleans, my great grandmother passed away in New Orleans from the fever. But then, as they were living there, they actually met my mom's family. So my dad was a little baby. My mom hadn't quite been born yet, because this was in 1923 or so. And she was born in 24. until many years later, when my dad, I think he had signed up for the service World War Two. And his mom and dad said, Why don't you go down and find the Hernandez family in New Orleans because they really helped us out when we came over, because they put the language to us and all this stuff. So my dad knocks on my mom's door, she opens the door, and her hair is piled in a towel, because she's just watched it. And they both looked at each other. And that was just it. They just they just knew. And so I love telling a story is just hilarious to me that they were like, wow. So so in that way they kind of, you know, our families kind of intertwined. But back to your original question. I think it was harder for my dad's family. Although they did fine. You know, he was able to graduate from a good High School in Chicago there and all of his siblings, so But yeah, it was, I think they were both difficult. But I think on my dad's side, it was probably harder.

Heather Murphy 12:21
And as you've learned all these stories, how has it been as you shared them with other family members?

Lisa Coffey 12:27
Oh, you know, I'm starting to tear up a little bit. It's I just barely this year 2020. It's so crazy how thinks so many years, right? I connected with a cousin in Mexico City, who's on my mom's side. It was just a chance thing. She just randomly sent me a WhatsApp message and said a Facebook message. I was on Facebook at the time. And she said, Let's talk. And I saw I started to share with her all this research that I'd done. And on my mom's side, I did I was able to build a bigger tree. And she said, Did you know that I've been writing a book, I've been keeping a book of details. I've been trying to do this? And I said no. So I was able to share with her what I learned. She didn't have what I had. And so I mean, we both You know, it was just emotional. It was a great meaning it was a Whatsapp Video so we can see each other. And my husband was there to translate, because I knew it was just the coolest thing. Just, I mean, I can't even express how wonderful it is. And then my first cousins and I on my dad's side, where I'm having kind of trouble getting a little bit more of the fact. They've been able to give me a few tidbits. And then when I share with them, the records that I have found, for example, that our grandmother's Well, my great grandmother, who ended up in New Orleans and passing away from that fever, she had actually lost three infants. And I found the records on familysearch. And that was also really tough for me. And then I share that with them. And at first they were a little bit like no we never heard of talk about this, but when I share the actual images than they were now we're just we're so much closer. We're like best friends because we hadn't seen each other because you know just time and geography. And now I just they're just like brothers and sisters to me. It's just been such a gift in so many ways to learn all these things. Yeah.

Stories in Our Roots 14:14
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Heather Murphy 14:58
So how have learned This story I mean, you've, you've said you had decades where you wish you knew more about your family. And it sounds like pretty much the last decade, you're really starting to find things. Oh, how is that made a difference to you?

I feel like life has come full circle, I felt when I was a little kid, I felt like I had this kind of purpose. And then I was the one that was supposed to do this knit. I know it sounds kind of like out there for a little bitty kid. But my mom brought bought me a five year diary when I was eight years old. It was we were just in this little store. And I said, you know, I'm going to start writing things down. And that hasn't stopped yet. I've been I've been journaling for decades and decades, because I believe so much in getting stories written down because of this struggle that I've had, you know, and like you said, it's only been in the last, I mean, really, it's only been in the last eight years, honestly, that I found all these these records. So the difference it meant for me is that I feel fulfilled, I feel as though I have, or I am still on this sort of mission that I feel like I have. So it I mean, I can't express enough how grateful I am and how it just fills me with joy. I love sharing it with my family members. And, you know, it's just brought me culturally, it's kind of brought me home too, because I didn't really my parents spoke to each other in Spanish, but they didn't speak to us, I think they wanted us to, you know, go to college and have a, you know, future and a really, you know, maybe better than they had it kind of thing. And so we didn't really, we eat the foods and had the culture kind of thing. But it wasn't like we were immersed in it. And so now I feel like I have more of a sense of identity with the Mexican part of my I mean, it's three quarters of me, right? Like I'm connecting with that heritage, which is really rich and just so varied. And it's just fun.

What part of that culture? Are you embracing and sharing with your children and other family members and future generations?

Lisa Coffey 16:49
Yeah, let's see. So my, my husband was a missionary for our church in Central America, which is ironic because he became fluent in Spanish. And I never did. So I'm like, Spanish is good, but it's kind of weak. or heard me tell a few of these stories. They know how anxious I am to write down things and keep track of their lives because of this search. And so I guess I could just say that we've kept the language around the house, they've studied Spanish in school, they, because we're really focused on sharing stories and sharing stories so they can know who they are. I think that's just kept it alive. You know, and having my husband be fluent in Spanish has just has just strengthened me. Because it's, it's still in my ear, it's still a part of you know who I am, because I grew up hearing it. So I guess we just kind of kept it alive through the language. I'm not the greatest cook. That's for sure. But, you know, we just we love all cultures. And I think that our kids have picked up on that. And I think they know a lot more. Because we've been insistent with ourselves as a couple to share stories and make sure they get documented. So that's a long answer to your question. Sorry. Yeah, I have tried to pass that down, if that makes any sense that I'm very proud of my immigration story.

Heather Murphy 18:02
You mentioned this journal that you got when you were five years old. I think you said,

Lisa Coffey 18:07
Yeah, it's a five year diary. Okay.

Heather Murphy 18:09
And then you also mentioned that journaling has been a big part of what you consider family history. Can you talk more about that?

Lisa Coffey 18:16
I'd love to. And I appreciate the question. There was a hurricane when I was seven, I had to get rescued off the top of a roof of a two storey building because of the flooding, and losing everything that young age made me want to hold on to things more, and it made life so much simpler. Here's what's important. Here's not, but I wanted things safe. That was kind of how I felt after the whole experience. And whatever was special, I wanted to keep it safe and close to me because I didn't want to risk you know, you just have that in the back of your mind after such a loss. And setting the journal helped me to write it down. And I felt like I I won't ever lose this memory. Then over the years since then, even when I was you know, this little girl, getting a journal, I just kept writing and I took to it naturally. And then it became something else, not only a way to keep a record of all of my joys and sorrows and details, it became a real strength to me as a person, I gained confidence I gained resilience. I could observe how I reacted to certain things how I got through stresses, it created a sense of hope in me because I could see that changes if there's nothing I've learned from journaling, the one main thing I learned is that life changes and things are never permanent. We feel like we're stuck in things but we're really not things change. Eventually, even this terrible pandemic things are, you know, constantly changing and moving. And so that's what I've learned. I just learned so, so much. I gained so much confidence and strength, real resilience from from writing for so.

Heather Murphy 19:48
Why do you consider that a part of family history?

Lisa Coffey 19:52
You know, I do because let's go back to the fact that I didn't know anything about my grandparents, you know, leaving my grandmother leaving Mexico in 1980 2022 I didn't find that record till 2017. And so just think if someone had said, Hey, grandma Consuela left in 1922, when your dad was a baby, and she did this, and this and this, and she, you know, got on a train and El Paso and then she did whatever, you know, or if someone had said, here's the day, your mom's parents met in that boarding house in the French Quarter wouldn't have been great if and if someone had just even just said to me verbally just told me this story. This is how it happened. And this is what it was like to live in this other country and then move. If my parents could have given me any of that. And I could have recorded it, I would have been just so farther along in my research, and I think I would have just had more strength and resilience as a person. So that's why I consider journaling. Definitely, it's like having a census record, you know that that helps you find someone or that border crossing record. I think it's a really important thing to write our family histories or record them in any I mean, there's tons of ways to do it nowadays.

Heather Murphy 21:00
Yeah, I think that's important to keep in mind that we are someone else's ancestor. And what would we like to find a verb ancestor? And so we need to make sure that our descendants can find those things that we wish we would had.

Lisa Coffey 21:16
Exactly, exactly. Instead of, you know, all these decades of mine searching, and Wouldn't you like to have heard it in your own grandmother, or your grandma or your parents, boys, I would love to have that my mom, just sit me down and say, you know, here's, here's the story. I mean, I heard the story of how they met I, you know, it was adorable, but it wasn't until this year that I knew what year it was, as I was going through photographs and trying to organize them, you know. And so it's it's records of photos, it's records of journals and stories that are recorded. I think I'm a big believer in story. And so I think that's why I feel like journaling is a way to capture story.

Heather Murphy 21:52
You mentioned that you have always wanted to know who your family was, how did that feel to you that you couldn't figure it out? that there wasn't anybody to give you those answers for so long?

Lisa Coffey 22:05
You know, it was really frustrating. And I think it was, you know, because people around me were speaking another language, right. And, obviously, the immigrant story, it was right in front of me, it was my, my dad and my mom's death, you know, and I would go and see my grandparents on the weekend. And, and I just felt like, this might be drum sound dramatic, but I sort of almost felt like, like a bit of an half of me it was there and the other half wasn't. And I grew up kind of like that, like, Well, I have one foot in one culture and one foot in the other. But the other culture isn't that strong. It isn't speaking to me. And that's a huge part of who I am. But I don't really know the story. So it was it was frustrating. It was hard. And I sort of always felt like I walked in the middle of a movie. And everybody else knew what was going on except me. And so here I am, you know, hunting for all these details. And it's not like my family wasn't close. It's just that some families don't write things down. They don't think about making it. You know, like, with my husband and me, we talk about stories all the time. I mean, it's super important to us. And we love it so much. We love sharing our stories. And so our kids, they know how important it is to us and, and how important they are to us to you know, and so I'm trying to make up for that now. But yeah, I felt really frustrated and kind of like,

Heather Murphy 23:21
I'm sure there's other people who are experiencing that right now. What would you say to someone who is experiencing that same situation that you did, where they just can't figure out part of them? What advice would you get, give them to get through that feeling?

Lisa Coffey 23:40
I kind of knew that question would come up. Because it's a common thing when when we talk about this, and some people hear the word genealogy, or they hear the word family history, and right away they conjure up is sitting in front of a screen and hunting for record, which I did, obviously, but I also hunted for stories. And that's really what it's all about. In fact, I hardly ever refer to it as family history anymore. In my heart, in my mind, I just call it family story. I always wanted to hear my family's story. When you think about a story, it has a beginning, middle and end, right and somewhere in there you fit and, you know, but but where so my encouragement would be that number one you matter. Number two, you are a part of a story. And number three, if you can find thing about your past story, that doesn't mean that you don't have a current story or a future story that won't be important to someone else. We are all connected in some way. Even if it's not through bloodlines, if it's through friends or close ones maybe you know a good friend that raised you kind of was always there for you how relationships take all sorts of forms. And so I just think that story is so powerful. In fact, I'm in the middle of a study of something called Narrative Therapy that I'm learning about how people use stories to heal emotionally and that sort of thing. I just really believe in the power of story and I think that it will come to people that they matter, if they start to keep a record of themselves some kind of way, that's what helped me through lots and lots of stresses and trials, you know, gave me tons of resilience is because stories begin with us, you know, like you said, you're someone else's, or I like to say, today is someone else's past. And so we're all part of that, and everybody's voice and everybody's story matters. So if you start with yourself, you'll gain strength from that, and you'll start to feel like you matter. And you'll see how you're connected to other people. It's just, it just grows from there. But yeah, and as far as the family history search, I would say start with one person, start with your heart, that's my other favorite thing. Start with the heart. Think about someone and if you could talk to them, you would ask them all these different questions and or whatever. Or if it's a grandparent, or an aunt or your parent or whatever, start with them. And don't anticipate having this really large tree that sometimes we hear about people having that goes back a million generations, I don't think I'll have that. But I'm very happy with the journey that I've been on. It has been a wonderful journey. And I can only go back about generations in my family. And I'm not worried about anything else, just because I've had such a wonderful journey and my journey is written down. For anyone who wants to pick it up and read it.

Heather Murphy 26:25
I think that's really great of you to say, because really, a lot of the reason why we research our family history is to get to know ourselves better. Mm hmm. Yeah. And so you don't have to necessarily understand six generations back to know yourself better. Right. And only as a genealogist, I tell people all the time you start with yourself, and then you work back. But that doesn't mean you have to be in a rush.

Lisa Coffey 26:53
Right, right. I mean, think about the decades for me, I started really well, I started trying to ask questions in the late 70s. When I was a young adult, then I got busy. And then I got married and started to have children. But I never gave up on journaling. I never gave up. Not only because of that it was to me emotionally and for resilience and for confidence. But also because I knew I wanted to record things that were the most important. And so I'm glad that you said that it that it does start start with you. A lot of people don't get don't have that perspective. So I really appreciate that you said that because it's very true.

Heather Murphy 27:27
Well, if you can go back and tell yourself, give yourself some advice. Before you were able to finally make all these document discoveries that you have, what would you tell yourself,

Lisa Coffey 27:41
I would say, keep track of the little things. Make a note, make a record, write down, talk on your phone, whatever, have the little stories and the snippets that you remember. And don't give up on those. Those are who you are, and but use those as your springboard use those as the thing that moves you forward, you know, try to find documentation on those stories. Because those are the stories that come up to you in your heart. Those are what really matters. Those are the ones you want to take on a journey to find you want to get on the journey to find. You know, I I recently found out just this year where my grandfather was born in a little town in the mountains of Durango. But you know what, it was a very nice find, but it didn't, it didn't make the difference. You know, what made the difference was learning more about him. So I would say don't stress too much over finding every last detail or fact. Because what really you want is the story and then you can find out maybe why you are who you are, what characteristics Did you get from them or from their story or anything? So yeah, I would just say, just start with the heart. Start with yourself. Enjoy the journey. That's definitely what I would say joy, the journey.

Heather Murphy 28:57
Well, thank you so much, Lisa, from sharing your perspective that you've gained from your own journey, learning about your family history.

Lisa Coffey 29:05
Thank you. Thanks for the opportunity, Heather.

Stories in Our Roots 29:09
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