Lucy Liu | Chinese Culture of Remembering Ancestors

Lucy Liu | Chinese Culture of Remembering Ancestors

Heather Murphy: Hi, Lucy. Thanks for joining me on the podcast today.

Lucy Liu: Hi, Heather. I'm so absolutely excited to be here.

Heather Murphy: Would you start by introducing yourself a little bit, please?

Lucy Liu: Sure. So I am a business and life coach focusing on helping women in life transitions to feel more fulfilled. Feeling confident, joyful, and just living life thriving and not surviving. I personally transformed my own life from feeling overstressed, unhappy and unhealthy at one point to now living my life of true joy, fulfillment, and mindfulness, and I love to help other women make that kind of life changing transformations.

It's really funny. Yeah. I had Heather on my show and I told Heather I'm super excited because I usually talk about life and, you know, mindset. And it's actually the first time I've ever talked about anything that related to my family or ancestors. So it's very fun for me to be here, to share my stories.

Heather Murphy: And I think I've only had one other guest with Asian heritage. So I am so glad that you are here to share your experiences and your perspective on this.

Lucy Liu: Yeah, so I am Chinese. I immigrated to America when I was in elementary school and I'm based in Los Angeles and I would say growing up I actually didn't have that much experience with, family ancestor worship because in China we only did this family tradition of maybe worshiping, well, not really worshiping, but remembering our ancestors once a year, at Chinese new year where we burned paper money to our ancestors.

Well, let's backtrack a little bit for those who might not know anything about the Chinese traditions. So paper money is actually very popular now. You can get them even on Amazon very easily. And thousands of people buy them. It's where you, where people believe that after people die, they actually still are alive, but just in another capacity of some sort, whether you believe in heaven or hell or some other capacity. And that's what many of the Chinese people believe. So every Chinese new year, I remember we would go out after our new year's family feast and we find a little corner on the street to burn paper money so that our ancestors can also receive those wealth, in their capacity, but it wasn't until I married my husband, he is Taiwanese and that would be more Southern part. So they practice a little bit more traditional Chinese traditions. So actually in the Southern part of China, more people worship their ancestors as a bigger family affair.

They would have shrines or even some families have entire buildings and temples that consists of really grand monuments with their ancestors names on them, but more in the city or would just be a very small shrine, maybe even in a bookshelf or on a table, somewhere in their household, where they have the names of the ancestors written on a monument, carved, so that they can communicate. Really talk to their ancestors. Still many people talk to their ancestors, even after years and years and generations and generations, , because they believe that the ancestors are still watching them and knows everything that's going on and hoping that their ancestors would overlook their business or life and bring them good luck and all that good stuff.

Heather Murphy: That is amazing. Cause we in general don't have that type of relationship with ancestors in the United States at all. Does it exhibit in any other way, other than that holiday? How does that look throughout the year?

Lucy Liu: Yeah, it's very interesting to me because, as I talked about, I'm based in Los Angeles and I grew up in a Christian Church, myself in LA. So this was all new to me before I married my husband. So it was very interesting to me as well. And, There is a very big holiday called tomb sweeping day on the chinese calendar.

So if you were to go to, a cemetery, I would say on this day, where many Asians live, it would be packed because this is the day that every family would go and see and, have some sort of family affair for remembering the deceased. Some families also pray, or bring food and wine and gifts and, just a lot of offerings throughout that year.

So it depends on the family's choice. Some people do this twice a month, some people do it once a year.

So it's really up to the family as a family tradition And also the whole family would gather and have lunch or dinner together afterwards. So it's a family tradition, I would say.

Heather Murphy: And you mentioned that growing up, you didn't have much association with your ancestors. What does that relationship look like for you now?

Lucy Liu: I think what I've learned throughout this experience of learning these new culture and new traditions is I would say gratitude. And we all know that gratitude is the key to living a beautiful life. There are generations and generations before us, whether you believe or not that your ancestors are still around, your ancestors have played a big role in your life for your family and I think it doesn't have anything to do really with religion or culture. It doesn't matter what background you come from. I think we can all be grateful for what our ancestors and family have done for us before us. Now, if they went through hardship, we have to be grateful that we have the life that we live now. It's much easier. Right? But if you didn't have a good relationship with your past ancestors, you can also be grateful for them for showing you what not to do in life or how you not want to be like. So, if you look through the lens of gratitude, if the root to, into your history, I think there's always something to be learned or some sort of traits that you want to take with you to help you, or some traits that you want to, release and let go so that you can have a better future yourself.

Heather Murphy: What are some ancestors that you have looked to with that gratitude for their lives? What are some stories?

Lucy Liu: I'm very grateful for my grandma. I think it was very difficult in old times in China. I hear stories of how they used to live. Like maybe three families in One room, sleeping on a bed that had icicles below their mattresses because they didn't have heating systems. So it's these, little things like the stories that I know that gives me so much gratitude and I live with gratitude.

I journal my gratitude every day and that's how I think I'm able to be so positive. Like I always say I'm an eternal optimist and all my clients know that I'm just very bubbly and that's because I take my gratitude very seriously. And even on those low days. And for example, when I have even an argument, I mean, it doesn't mean I don't have problems in my life.

I look through those problems with gratitude. I even journal, like, I'm really grateful for my husband for our argument today because what kind of problems did we solve or how can we be a better couple afterwards? So I think when we shift our perspective, it's all about perspective. We're able to have a more open eye for solutions and for opportunities in life, whether it's business or personal career, it doesn't matter what it is, but when you have this different perspective on how to look at things, life changes before your eyes.

Heather Murphy: One of the things that you mentioned before when we were talking was that you pray to your ancestors. What is an example of how you've prayed to an ancestor and how that's helped you with something?

Lucy Liu: Personally, I, don't really pray to ancestors asking for things, but I thank them for what I have, because what we focus on grows. So if we're focusing on what we have, we have more abundant. And if you focus on the lack, you feel you're lacking more. So that Is something I try to practice by just always focusing on the abundance of what I'm given and what I have instead of asking for more.

And I think that's one of the problems I see, because people pray to their ancestors or higher power that they want something and they are asking for things. And then once they don't have that and they become disappointed or they stopped doing traditions or they stop asking or praying.

But I think it's like giving thanks to God. It's more on the giving side and being thankful instead of just asking. But I do see a lot of people asking for things when they pray.

Heather Murphy: Is there anything else that you'd like people to know about how Chinese people relate to their ancestors or how they're part of their lives.

Lucy Liu: Oh, I do believe I have several stories. I personally know of people who, before praying to their ancestors had problems. One person, I knew his business was just not taking off for years. And after he started praying to his ancestors and practicing their tradition, his business just took off.

 I personally, know people who try to get pregnant for say, and for years, you know, three, five years and, and they get pregnant the month that they put up the shrine in their house. So. It's a miracle. Sometimes people think it's superstition or it's just coincidence, but because I have so, so, so many stories, it's really hard to believe it's not the truth.

So if you believe it is the truth. If you believe the miracles do exist, and all miracles begins with hope. And I think whether it's about praying to your ancestors or about anything else in life, have hope because that's the first step.

Heather Murphy: And so what do you want to pass on when people and future generations look to you? What do you hope they see and thank you for?

Lucy Liu: I hope that they see positivity, because positivity is something I preach. I cannot preach more about the importance of optimism, because even a flicker of hope can catapult you to great heights. So I want my future generation to remember that there is light, that there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

It doesn't matter if you're going through a dark, dark tunnel right now that you can't see the next bend, but I just trust the process and believe that everything's happening for a reason you're learning through these challenges. And that life is beautiful because there will be a way. And just, I hope that my family in, even in the future will continue to spread this light and be the light for others.

Heather Murphy: Well, that is so beautiful. And thank you so much for sharing your perspective that I'm sure a lot of my listeners hadn't heard before.

Lucy Liu: Thank you for having me, Heather.