Melanie Gardner | Surviving 2020 Through Family History Research

Stories in Our Roots 0:03
Welcome to the stories in our roots podcast. I'm your host Heather Murphy. In this podcast, we dive deep into how knowing the stories of our ancestors can make a difference in our lives today, discovering our family history is more than a hobby. It is a way to connect deeply with ourselves, those we love.

Heather Murphy 0:22
And thank you, Melanie, for joining me today. I'm looking forward to our conversation about why you research your family history and how that makes a difference in your life.

Melanie Gardner 0:36
Yes, I'm so excited.

Heather Murphy 0:37
Could you start by introducing yourself?

Melanie Gardner 0:40
Sure. My name is Melanie Kirry Gardner. I grew up in Texas. So I'm like a born and bred exan. If like home is where your heart is, Texas definitely has mine. I moved to Seattle my senior year. So I have roots in the Pacific Northwest as well. I graduated from college from BYU to degree in communications and a minor in business. And I thought I was going to be with a magical event planner. And I ended up moving down to sunny AZ and lived in Arizona, and worked in the scrapbooking world. I started my like after college self as a doing marketing public relations for a scrapbooking company online. And that blossomed into doing it for a couple of manufacturers. And then, you know, I ended up just loving the people that were doing scrapbooking, they were telling their stories that were so passionate about sharing their histories with people, and I am the irony. I am a complete non crafter. Like I have no craft in me. But I just love this scrapbooking world. And so I did that for about a decade and traveled all over and taught classes and just met amazing people who just love to share their stories. And I just really connected with that. And then I got married and left that behind. So I was pregnant with twins and then have three more babies after that. And now I live in Utah and my parents live not very far away. So I helped take care of them kind of a secondary caregiver for them as well. And what else? I love the outdoors. I love traveling. I have a thing for thunderstorms. That's me, I'm just living the dream.

Heather Murphy 2:15
Hey, can you tell us why you started researching your family history?

Melanie Gardner 2:21
Oh, my good. That's a good question. You know, I started, I think I've just always loved I've always loved stories, people stories have always been fascinated by people's stories. And I've just always had a thing for pictures like even the grainy out of focus ones just have always loved to see the background and like, you know, just what ever like old school items are in the background. It's kind of a voyeur of pictures, it just likes to look really deep and kind of see what's in the background. And that's always been a thing for me. And my grandma was a big picture taker. And she was just like a real hunter gatherer of family history stuff. And I think just for whatever reason, I just my heart was kind of always drawn to that when she would do that. I just kind of like to be around her when she was putting together like giant books of remembrance and stuff. And my dad has amassed a giant collection of letters and pictures and things from his family that nobody really wanted. That is like the best kind of stuff you could ever get that other people just didn't want. And so I just kind of had that stuff around me. And I think that kind of just sparked in me when I was younger, that just that love of stories and images kind of combined them.

But really like the constant consistent stream of getting into family history started probably about five years ago. And it started with indexing, kind of on the dare. Somebody was like, Hey, I dare you to do some indexing with me. And I was like, boring, thank you. But I got into it. And I was so unfurled, I did like a couple of weeks worth of world war two draft cards, and details of like, hair color and height and like ruddy complexion, I had to look it up. I didn't even know what it was. But I just loved it. I just loved that. It kind of started in this world of indexing for me. And then the trickle down was that she ended up showing me how to find cemetery records. And I just found some really amazing things. And I think after that I was just kind of cooked I found a baby that had not been connected to a mom. And when I had that moment, I still just talking about I get chills, like just that moment where you just feel like oh my gosh, this is a thing. It's a thing that you can connect people. And I just really had this moment where I was like, This mom has been waiting for her baby to be connected to her family tree. And I found him in this super random cemetery record.

And that just kind of kept flowing for me like I yeah, that was kind of my start in the last little while but it really took off for me especially fast and furiously this last year, like I think it's just because I've had more time. Just it's kind of forced me to To try and figure out how family history and ancestry and my heritage like how all this stuff spins together to give me all the things that I want to find out about my people and and that's kind of my way, kind of how I got my start and why I'm still flowing. They've got a little bit extra time on my hands.

Heather Murphy 5:16
And so what are some of the stories that you've found or the individuals that you've connected with that have meant something to you?

Melanie Gardner 5:24
This last spring, my dad's brother, my Uncle Mike passed, he was kind of a kind of an outlier in our family, like just a self self described curmudgeon, like he lived in the middle of nowhere Montana, and he didn't really have anybody else I could, he was divorced the only child but he had passed in the early 90s. And so he just was kind of like doing his own thing in Montana. And he was kind of a non factor in my life. Like, I'd see him. Like, literally, I've probably seen him five times in my life. And he just didn't really want anything to do with a family. And so that made it easy to be like, well, that's fine. You don't want anything to do with me. And we don't, we don't need to, I got other people I'm good I'm, but when he passed, I just kind of started looking at it again, cuz through my, my dad and my uncle, like my other uncle's eyes, and just kind of thinking about what he was as a person. And after somebody dies, it's easier to find some of those records.

So I started getting into my Uncle Mike, it turned out he had three wives, he was married three times, and then found those certificates and then divorced three times. And I found all those and just found some of his military records and things that really brought him to life for me and just kind of showed me that it wasn't just like this guy living in Montana, it was somebody who like lived and breathed and had some real problems, like some real hardships and like heavy things like you don't get married and divorced in triplicate, for kicks, you know. So, I mean, it was obvious to me that it was he had, he had some hard things that happened. And one of them was that my, his dad died when he was 14. And I think he always just had this like, chip on his shoulder a little bit about it, like he was just mad. He just was angry about it. And I think just seeing that he just some of the things that I found to show me that he had a more full life than I really knew. And that kick started me into, into three families, his three wives families that I'm not even related to.

But it blew up for me. I mean, just like over and over finding record after record, and filling in parents and grandparents and aunts, and uncles, and all these people that are now not even my relatives, like my true blood relatives, right. But I just felt so drawn to this. And things are kind of crumbling around me at the time, like, hard things with kids and being home and just the heaviness of the pandemic and stress like, just built up so heavy on my heart. But I always look forward to being like, moving at the end of the day, I get to go and find out about these people that I don't even know. But I found pictures of them. And like I found no cemetery headstones and things and just stuff that brought people to life that I will never meet that I don't know, at all.

But it just felt so good. But it just felt so good to find people and feel like I was making a difference. When in so many areas of my life. I was like, drowning, and not feeling like I was making a difference. So to have that, like, just something to look forward to at the end of the day after I put all my kids down. And just to have that something when things were so hard just meant so much to me, it just really carried me at a time that and I had no idea it was going to do that. Like it was such a surprise to have that little gift, you know, just have something to look forward to, which is such a silly, that's kind of a silly thing. But it meant a great deal to me.

Heather Murphy 8:51
Do you have any ideas why you would look forward to it? What was it about doing this research that helped kind of melt the stress of the day away?

Melanie Gardner 9:02
Yeah, I think I think probably a good descriptive would be I have I had this moment, probably three months ago where I could picture myself kind of standing in front of this tree, like a big tree. And the closer I got to it, the harder it was to see around it. And this visual to me is so descriptive of what my experience has been especially this year. And that is that the closer that I've gotten to my family tree, the easier it's been to find clarity and other parts of my life. And by focusing just being able to focus my brain it it cleared the clutter for me I feel like I run pretty complex in lots of areas of my life like I'm my brain is kind of constantly moving on what I need to do here and there and, and I have a hard time kind of taking a deep breath and calming down and maybe I should be looking at meditation but But instead, I found family history. And that has made all the difference for me because in focusing on that it allowed me to let go of, or at least, maybe kind of temporarily ignore the way and the hardship of other spaces in my life.

Heather Murphy 10:18
What other stories have you found that have been a strength to you?

Melanie Gardner 10:22
My, enough is another close one. Oh, everybody's stories like this. They just get so close that you're like, Oh, this is so overwhelming to share. The best ones are truth. True. So my so my dad has a grandpa, his grandpa, his mom's dad was Grandpa Joe, Grandpa Joe was kind of elusive. He is kind of in and out like he divorced my, my great grandmother when my grandma was pretty young. And so he was a little bit of a non factor kind of, I don't know, I guess I said that about my uncle. So not every male in my dad's family is a non factor. But anyway, when they divorced, my grandma's family ended up with her mom. And then her dad was just kind of in and out on occasion and would be like, Oh, it's a birthday, he'd show up and then they wouldn't see him for a long time. And so Grandpa Joe was never a person that I really thought of as kind of this illustrious person in my family tree. His line stops a couple of people back from him and, and I just was never really interested in it, I guess.

But I went to family history or to familysearch one day, this is Sunday, I'm laying in bed, and it comes up with his mom's surname, I'm just looking at my family tree and I see her surname and it is wrong. And I go like full family history mama bear on this, like, if you know, you know, because when you see somebody has changed a surname, I mean, no, like I was up set. I was like, how can this possibly be so I go into her little personal file thing. I start flipping through and I'm like, there are 15 sources that say her last name is Winfield and you have changed it to Canfield. It's not even close what is happening. I find one record in there that says Canfield and I open it up, has my grandpa Joe's name on it. His last name Todd wood, it's like not a really popular name. But I'm like now could be anybody but it says it's a marriage certificate from Hawaii. This guy is Virginian through and through he is old school Confederate Virginia. And I'm like this is not the same guy. You have made a mistake, whoever you are changing this lady's name and ruining grandpa Joe's life by making it seem like he was living in Hawaii when he wasn't like what are you doing? So it was kind of upset about it. And I was driven by like this, like I'm going to show you I'm going to get all the sources and I am going to show you somebody that I was never even going to contact. But that's how I felt about it. I was like I am out to prove this right.

And then it turns out, straight up. He had a marriage before my great grandmother to this woman in Hawaii when he was in the army. And he had another daughter, my grandma's half sister. And my grandma has passed at this point. By just I mean, I cannot tell you the floodgate that this one moment this like Lynch Penny thing that just turned this whole dude around for me? Because what was like shoulder shrug, Grandpa Joe turned into this realize that he was orphaned when he was 13. He was living with his parents and or his grandparents in Virginia. And he signed up for the army before he should have like as a young person, right? Many people did. And he ended up in quite. And then he ended up deserting this lady in Hawaii. I connected with her family. She's no longer living but I connected with her family and kind of got some more bits and pieces. But the amount of sources and information that I have from this one thing, which PS still Her name is Winfield and not Canfield. So I did get that right. Even though it was a giant, like, humility moment for me to be like, Okay, I guess there are some other people out there that maybe know some things that I don't about my own family. But that is a really tough pill to swallow sometimes, because you're like, I've heard these stories. I know who this person is. And then you go and you start searching and you're like, Oh, this is way more twisted and tangled up than I thought it was. But by finding these ship manifests and like I saw them going back and forth to the mainland and she visited him in Virginia, like all of these things came up that I was like Okay, this is definitely him. There's no denying it's him. And he did a really similar thing to my great grandmother. But I will say the real, real real giftedness is that I found some papers at my dad's house that were army like letters of recommendation, I'm sure there's a real name for those. But he got out of the army, and he wanted to get back in, in like the 50s. So after he'd served in World War One, World War Two, he wanted to get back in and be part of the army. And so he had these letters of recommendation, like glowing, beautiful letters of recommendation from like high ups in the army, right people that he worked with. And he, it just was just such a profound moment for me to be like, I can't just swap over what my grandmother, or my great grandmother, or even my dad has said about somebody. But those are their experiences with that person. But it's not everything that that person is, there are other extenuating factors that bleed in that you just know nothing about. And some of that you can find from sources and some of it you'll never know. But just having that moment, really pushed my heart to like a just a point of having more grace, like more allowance for hard things to happen in people's lives and not being like, like, as a deadbeat guys out like, he's still my great, great grandfather, and he still had merit and beautiful things that could be said about him from people that he worked with. And those things from my dad, which I never would have looked for, if all that hadn't happened, was really such a gift for me to just see him in a different light to see this big piece of his life. But just to also understand, like, he was still really something really something amazing. And not just the guy who showed up for birthdays every once in a while, you know, it just really changed him for me. And that's always something that I go back to when I research now. Like just don't decide that this is the way that it is because I found one thing that told me one thing, there's always a bigger story at play and to let that emerge instead of like, forcing it down my family tree throat.

Stories in Our Roots 17:09
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Heather Murphy 17:53
That's really important to keep in mind because you can't tell everything from historical records or from the stories that have been passed down that may or may not be true or somebodies perception of the truth. We just need to to allow that grace, like you said.

Melanie Gardner 18:11
And that is hard to rattle free for a man I'm not gonna lie, we say it like it's like, no, no big deal. Just allow people some grace and some, you know, give him a break. But it is hard when those those roots run. Me that's three generations of people that are kind of like this guy not so great. And then a past time, it is a hard thing to shake. And I still have to when I see there's one picture that I have with him. And I look at that picture. And I still have this little like, back of my mind a moment where I'm like, yeah, and I'm like, nope, he's a good guy. Remember, he found a lot of proof he was a pretty good guy. So shake that off and keep going. But anyway.

Heather Murphy 18:51
Just teaches us to be less judgmental and not assume you know, people.

Melanie Gardner 18:57
And it's the same I mean, and that is applicable in your everyday. I mean, it's just a good reminder for people in general like that. It's not everything somebody put up on Instagram or you know, plopped on their Facebook page like that is not always who they are.

Heather Murphy 19:14
Do you have any other ancestors you'd like to share?

Melanie Gardner 19:17
I think another one from this year that has been really is kind of shown like just kind of resonated in my heart I guess is my play a three time great. Grandma Clara. She died young of like, dysentery, terrible thing that I have, in my opinion. She had a gaggle of kids for eight kids. I mean, she had eight kids. They lived on a farm in the middle of Iowa and she died in like 1870 and I thought, I am never going to see a picture of her that is so sad. She has died young and I'm never going to be able to find anything. And I just kind of I just kind of gave up on it. Like for no reason other than I was like What are the chances that small town Iowa found their way to a picture taken place, and made that happen with all these kids and all the things that she was doing and whatever. And I found something, I found this picture of this beautiful woman with all of her kids around her and her husband. So I knew it was her. And I just cried, I just couldn't believe how sorry, I was like, I just wanted to be like, crystal clear I am so sorry, I gave up on finding your face. Before even really got started, because I was gathering records. And I just like, you know, put a picture of her headstone up in the little family search circle. And I was like, that's as good as it's gonna get something that says your name on it, I'm gonna put it up there. And just in that moment of seeing her and when I found that I also found a letter from one of her daughters that just describes some things about her, which included that she was really fastidious about her hair, she had jet black, long jet black hair that she was really particular about. And I just loved that little detail and seeing that face. And just recognize like, I mean, you can see this beautiful dark hair that is like, just beautifully done. And she's just this amazing lady who are education was such a big deal to her and her daughter just kind of reaffirm that, that now that she really chased us after an education for her daughters and for her sons, and just how imperative that was to what they were doing in their home. And seeing that picture was just another kind of altering moment for me to be like, you don't even know what's out there, tamp the pride, tamp that down, and move forward. Knowing that there's always a chance, there's just always a chance you are going to find something amazing, and you have no idea what corner that's going to come from. And I just really, it's such a silly thing that finding one picture kind of changed that for me, but but it did, because I don't know why it did. I don't know why I totally was like, I'm never gonna find it. It just seems so obscure that I would ever find something like that. So the fact that it came up, I still am surprised about but just so grateful to have that image as opposed to a headstone, which a headstone if you can only find it is worth it to keep that. But having that picture was just such a moment for me, it was just such a thing was a thing for me. So I really appreciated being like, okay, was another like pride swallowing thing for me. So I guess that's my theme. Family history is a real pride swallowing hobby to get into real, humbling place.

Heather Murphy 22:43
How did you find that photograph?

Melanie Gardner 22:45
Yeah, this is embarrassing. My dad, I told you, he had a ton of all the stuff that nobody wanted, which included pictures and letters and all these things. He had gone through and made binders and filed one underneath something that wasn't her name, and had it all in these files. And so I was looking for something else. And I pulled this picture out. So it literally at my dad's house is the answer the long the short of it is it was at my dad's house. And so was that letter from her daughter, I pulled it out. And the only reason why I knew it was her is because I knew what her husband's second wife look like, because that's my person to it had a picture of him. So I just knew immediately when I saw that picture of him that I was like, Oh my gosh, this is clear. And they like flipped it over. And sure enough, like it was all labeled, which doesn't always happen. But what a gift to that my dad was had buried in the house somewhere. But anyway, super grateful. But yeah, he's straight up at it and his files, but if I would have asked him about it, he's early stages of dementia, and he's hit and miss for that kind of information. So who knows if I ever would have found it, but it was so it was just kind of a fluke.

Heather Murphy 24:00
I think that something that other people can keep in mind too, because they might not think that their family members have documents or photographs or Yes. And or you talk to them like you said like they don't really know what they have. And so by like Well, why don't you show me this box or let's look at that album and you never know what you're going to find.

Melanie Gardner 24:23
You don't. And I am a straight up ambassador of like every basement and attic dwelling history that is living all over the world. Like I just want to if there was a place where I could just put a billboard that just said dig in your basements and attics and find all your pictures and documents because you're hoarding them from somebody who could use them, but need some like a go dig them out and find them. Like I feel like that a lot especially with my husband's side of the family they are Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints both sides histories way back Giant families, 13 kids, 12 kids, 10 kids, the big families, lots of people. These are people that should be very well researched, and very, like they should have pictures and stories all over the internet about them. And I'm like somebody, somebody's hiding. Somebody is hiding those pictures and stories and special items that are just sitting somewhere hoarded. That's what I call it. As I'm saying, I want to be the ambassador for basement and attic items. What How do I do it? Tell me how to do it. Heather, I'll do it.

Heather Murphy 25:39
That's a good project.

Melanie Gardner 25:42
To do my I want everybody to be like, get out there. Do some. Get your scanner on.

Heather Murphy 25:47
And people kind of forget, a lot of times I think family history is a lot of looking towards what do I need. And people forget, Well, my third great grandparents that I have this picture of they have 50 other people in my generation that don't have that picture. And so what a blessing the internet is that you can put it out there so people can find it.

Melanie Gardner 26:10
Yeah, and I will tell you true confession that they're generally speaking, I leave other people like I leave people to do their own. But sometimes when I post a picture, I will go back through sources and see who posted things and just be like, Hey, I just wanted you to know this picture there. It's a little like, it's probably a little creepy, that I think so harass people to be like, I posted so big, you're gonna want to go see it. And I know you want to see it because you attach the source to this person. So you're definitely gonna want to see this. Those are moments where you just want to be like, I found it. And I want everybody to know. And I think that's probably one of the reasons just going back to why it's been so saving for me is that I think so many times when you do different family history things, it's a, it gives you the same feeling of doing service for someone that like altruistic feeling of just being like I did something good, it feels good. And it buries that heaviness or no stress, like it can really bury those heavy feelings with feelings of gratitude and service, which is kind of like my teenage self would be like you are lame. But my adult self is like, truth. Like That is the truth. It really is like that, when you can you have those moments of being like, I just am so happy, I could be a part of something so much bigger than me. It just feels so, so good.

Heather Murphy 27:43
What is one piece of advice that you would give to someone who is just starting to research their family?

Melanie Gardner 27:49
I think the first thing is that family history isn't what your grandma probably thought of her family history has been. It's not all perplexing pedigree charts. And like mulki books of remembrance is little things that happen in your everyday. Over the last year, I've really tried to push her my kids to kind of see see their people in a different way. So we made like a sketchy little crest of our own family. And we put like a steak dinner on it. Because everybody likes steak. I mean, these are not like mind blowing magical things. But just things that helped me connect with my little people that are here. And to show them like hey, you're you're part of something, you're part of this family. But you're also part of something bigger. I mean, chat books do that, like saving your Facebook posts, if you're a big Facebook person or an Instagram or like use the stuff that you've already got going for you because that is the stuff that can open the door to family history, like the quote unquote family history, that it's not, you know, you just you need to let go, I guess that's my bottom line is just letting go of what you think family history should be. And let that open the door to this world of what family history really can be. And I think you'll be so surprised. The magical things that kind of float up and envelop your life when you're just letting what you already do be part of your family history like and it will change your life for the better. It just does truth. And then I guess my second thing is just going back to that whole idea of the closer you get to your family tree, the more clarity that you have to navigate difficult peripheral issues and other areas of your life. Just so firmly believe that that it can just give you clarity it can lift you and distract you in like the best possible way if you are looking for a rabbit hole to go down. That Matters on the internet. This is it. Finding your people and finding out who you are like it gives you self awareness and it builds self worth and it gives you a sense of accomplishment that I don't know a lot of things that can do all of those things at once. The family history straight up does it. Like it's finding how to fit it best into your life and doing it for kind of selfish reasons. There. It's out. So true confession, it is a little bit selfish because it just feels so good. It does. They're just beautiful things that happen when you do family history. And I just know, I just know it because I've loved it. And it's like I said, lamb to my teenage self, straight up truth to my old person self.

Heather Murphy 30:31
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It's been a pleasure to talk with you.

Melanie Gardner 30:36
For sure. Thanks, Heather.

Stories in Our Roots 30:40
Thank you for joining me today for Stories in Our Roots. Please help this podcast grow by subscribing, leaving a review and sharing it your friends. If you have feedback or would like to recommend someone to share their story head just storiesinourroots.com and fill out the form. Thanks again for listening and I look forward to being with you again next week.

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