Melanie McComb | Connecting With Cousins to Learn More of the Story

Stories in Our Roots

Melanie McComb | Connecting With Cousins to Learn More of the Story

10 November 2020 • 26:28

SPEAKERS

Stories in Our Roots, Heather Murphy, Melanie McComb

Stories in Our Roots  00:03

Welcome to the Stories in Our Roots podcast. I'm your host Heather Murphy. In this podcast, we dive deep into how knowing the stories of our ancestors can make a difference in our lives today. Discovering our family history is more than a hobby. It is a way to connect deeply with ourselves, those we love and the world around us.

Heather Murphy  00:26

Welcome to Episode 13 of Stories in Our Roots. I'm Heather Murphy. Today's guest is Melanie McComb. Melanie shares her experiences connecting with second cousins and how those relationships have helped fill out the stories of their common ancestors. She also shares a great tip for those of us a little intimidated by the idea of interviewing living relatives and recording all they know. Here's the interview with Melanie.

Heather Murphy  00:56

Today I am visiting with Melanie McComb. And I'm really happy to have her here and to listen to her story about how family history has been a part of her life to start. Melanie, could you introduce yourself, please?

Melanie McComb  01:11

Sure. Hi, Heather. Thanks for having me here. So yes, my name is Melanie McComb. I'm a professional genealogist at American Ancestors and New England Historic Genealogical Society. I've been doing genealogy for on my own about close to 20 years now. It's it's really been a big journey looking into my family tree. So to give you an idea of like what my tree looks like, since that'll help maybe, maybe give you a little idea of who I am. My father's side is Irish. They came from counties Monahan, Louth, Tyrone, many of them came through Prince Edward Island, Canada, some did come straight to America as well, mostly settling in New York. My mother's side of the family they also settled in New York, but it is Eastern European, Ashkenazi Jewish. So, so very, very different ways of researching both lines. It definitely makes it a lot easier to separate out DNA matches in that regard. And my mother's side, some of the countries have identified have been Latvia, Galicia, Poland, Romania, just to name a few.

Heather Murphy  02:21

Okay, and where did you grow up?

Melanie McComb  02:23

So I grew up on the Island, New York.

Heather Murphy  02:25

Okay, could you tell us now your story of how you started researching your family history?

Melanie McComb  02:31

So I actually have two different stories. There's the official story of how I got started. And then the unofficial story of how I got started. The official story is that I, I had to do a medical DNA project where I had to ask questions of living family members and compose a family tree. So they wanted us to ask very, very personal questions of my parents, my grandparents that were living at the time, that was really only my maternal grandmother, aunts, and uncles, you know. Questions about like how many pregnancies did you have? Did you have cancer in the family me? Really hard hitting questions. But it got me started to really look into things I just didn't know, especially about my paternal grandmother. She died when I was a little, when I was a small child. And I just felt like I never really knew a lot, a lot about the family. And her husband, my grandfather, he died when I was about two. So I just felt like it was a lot missing there growing up for versus on my mother's side, I had my maternal grandmother, and she's still here with us today.

Melanie McComb  03:36

Now, the unofficial story of how I got started with genealogy is I was always the kid that would open up the photo albums and the boxes of unsorted photos, and asked, "Mom, who's that? Who's that? Who's that?" And would actually get to a point where when I was starting to get into active scrapbooking, I was writing with acid-safe pen on the back of the photos, who everybody was because I felt like well, someone's gonna forget who these people are someday so maybe I should start writing them down to help keep track. And it's really when I started going through the photographs, it really showed me how much of my family there was to know and just even to see pictures of my mother is, you know, young girl, my grandmother, and just feeling like, there's just a whole other world out there. And the photos was what hooked me in some of the stories later on in life as well.

Heather Murphy  04:27

And so how old were you when you were working on that medical family tree?

Melanie McComb  04:30

I was 18 years old.

Heather Murphy  04:32

Okay. And so then how did it go from there from that project afterward?

Melanie McComb  04:38

Not too long after I really started putting together that project is what I first started going into Ancestry.com. And this was once upon a time where they didn't have all the thousands of databases they had. I mean, I mean, especially as a free member, you were lucky you got the census and that was about it. There wasn't a whole lot to really go on. So I think I had census think I had like some of like the public address records, a couple things. It just helped me thought things that I didn't really know a lot about my dad's side of the family. Now we knew where my paternal grandmother's family was from. They were from county Louth we even knew down to the townland that was always talked about.

Melanie McComb  05:18

But my father's side, which is my direct line, the Doherty's nobody knew where in Ireland they were from. It was like, well, we know they're from Ireland, but we didn't really know what county. There was inclines that maybe it was Monahan, which I did confirm later, but they didn't talk about it. My grandmother used to like to refer to her husband's family as a bunch of horse thieves. I was just somewhat just a euphemism does refer to it like, oh, they're not anybody to look into. But that always got me interested. Because I think is even as like a kid in college, I was kind of like, well, maybe I'm gonna find the horse thief. I don't know, I don't know why I thought that I just felt like, there's got to be a story out there. I'm sorry. But I find it hard to believe that even in an Irish Catholic family, that there's not going to be any skeletons in the closet. And boy, did I uncover them on the way and it's just been like, it just felt like it made them feel more real, more humanized, by just seeing where they were, where their flaws were, how they lived, how they loved how they fought, how they died. And it just really opened up a lot to me who they were. So they just felt like it was more than just, you know, names on paper.

Heather Murphy  06:27

What are some of those stories that stand out the most to you?

Melanie McComb  06:30

So there's a few of them there. So one was is that a few years back after I'd done my DNA, my DNA roughly five or six years ago, and there was one point where I got a mess, kind of a cryptic message. And she said that she was happy to hear that her grandfather had found happiness in America. This was a lady that was from England. So you're like, well, what? Who's this? So at first, I thought that it was maybe like a great uncle, or some other relatives that was you know, maybe a little more distant in there. I didn't really catch it. But then but there was a name in the family tree. I thought, okay, maybe it's this one we now don't really know much about.

Melanie McComb  07:11

Then I started getting my... A few years later, my father was tested, I tested his DNA. I also had his first cousin tested as well. So that kind of helped narrow it a little more down the line a little bit. And I even had one of my my dad's brothers test, and my dad's sister. Now I had a lot more information on more of the line. We started seeing that while she kept matching all them. Okay, well, if he's matching my dad's first cousin, that narrows it down a lot more. It was a Corcoran, so okay, it's on the Corcoran line. So now we know that it's, it's that shared connection there too.

Melanie McComb  07:48

And what we learned is, and this was with collaborating with my dad's cousin, and everything, he got messages from the same lady as well, too. He started to ask me questions, and it really started to click it because he kept asking me like, "Did Thomas have another child?" And at first I thought it was that great uncle. And I realized, no, he was talking about my great grandfather. My great grandfather, it turns out had a child in Ireland, before he came to America. The fact that he had that child is a key part of why he came to America.

Melanie McComb  08:26

Apparently, the story goes from talking to this woman who I learned was actually the granddaughter of that child that was born in Ireland. What happened was, is that my great grandfather, you know, fairly prominent family in county Louth at that time, it turns out that he had, his girlfriend basically was the servant in the household. Because they were not married, obviously, that was going to be a big issue. And he actually wanted to marry her. And supposedly the story goes is that his parents forbid him to, and the child actually was then living with his mother's sister and family on a farm. So it was actually a few years before they even reunited though. And the story goes, based on the evidence that I've uncovered through talking with her, is that my great grandfather was actually sent to America two years after the child was born. So it sounds like they might have wanted to remove him from the situation altogether. And then he came and married my grandmother after he settled in New York City.

Melanie McComb  09:26

Nobody in the family had any idea that this happened. They're like, what it was really a big moment, though, especially for from, my from, my aunt that I shared this with because this was her grandfather. And she says like, "You humanized my grandfather. This is a side of him we didn't think we know about." Because a lot of times we had a lot of family that would come over and they didn't really talk about their time in Ireland as much they kind of just went along with their lives and everything and just like okay, maybe they you know, what about their routine, they went to church, they did this and here we had like that, you know, he had another child. His wife didn't even know it. Children didn't even know it. He had another child named after him when the and here's the kicker, that child in Ireland was actually named after my great grandfather, he got his name, he was given the name of Thomas Corcoran. That was his legal name. And he gave another son in America his name. And nobody knew there was another Thomas Corcoran, right now, that eventually went left Ireland and went to England. So that was a really a big story I found because like I said, we thought that I would never find those kind of skeletons. And that was that was one that we uncovered. And it's actually been lovely. We've actually been corresponding with the the granddaughter over times and sending holiday cards and everything. And so it's been another way to reconnect with family we didn't even know we had.

Heather Murphy  10:48

I think a lot of times when people are researching their family, they forget that there's other people out there that is not just you looking for information, it's other people looking for information as well. And you never know what side of the coin you're going to be on.

Melanie McComb  11:01

Exactly. That is entirely true. Especially we start getting into stories of adoption. And in other cases, you're right, there's so much, you know, reconnection that's happening through genealogy.

Heather Murphy  11:12

I went and read some of your blog entries in the past. And one of the things that you wrote about was your Jewish side of the family, and about how when you moved out from your home, you kind of lost connection with that. And then after a while, decided to rebuild it. Can you talk about how that experience was? And that was a few years ago, so I'm sure you're kind of moved along and not path farther down?

Melanie McComb  11:41

Yeah, so I mean, growing up, though, I was always raised Reformed Jewish, so wasn't overly religious. But you know, we we had, we had our own traditions in the family. And especially when I was living in Syracuse for 12 years, I mean, I just there was absolutely no cousins, or anything that I really interacted with in any way. So you know, when I left home, it really was, you know, I didn't see my first cousin, for example, that, you know, that was living nearby. And, and it was that separation.

Melanie McComb  12:09

So something I really had a reconnection with was actually is actually almost a year ago to the day a few months ago was I had met up with two of my third cousins. So this is a story of how we reconnected was, I was going through the FamilySearch One Tree, and I was looking at an entry for my great grandmother's sister, Rebecca. And I think I was just updating some information. And I saw that someone had shared some information about her give me information about her life, she left it in a comment. And eventually we started to correspond. So at first what we thought was going to be one of those exchanges of like, well, maybe you have this wrong information that we actually turned in more to open dialogue. And I'm so glad I did, because the woman that responded, Rebecca was actually was actually her mother. So obviously, she actually her grandmother rather, she had very real close knowledge of her. It was someone that you know, even in my family, and I brought up Rebecca to my grandmother, and she had told me stories about her that she wasn't even aware of. And what precipitated was, by getting in contact with this cousin that I found out, over time, she actually started to test her DNA. So we definitely could confirm we work cousins for sure. And she also had her daughter test.

Melanie McComb  13:36

And then I had another cousin that had reached out because I had shared some of these pictures of the side of the family on my Facebook, and some of them were mutual friends, so you never know who's going to be. And she had reached out and saying that she was related through this line as well. And so we started to rebuild almost like this little tree, going back set showing that we have this share couple, Herman Segal and Hia Goldman from Romania. And, you know, it was me and two of my cousins we actually got together about a year ago in person. So because of this, it was it was really helpful that we could actually really meet for the first time and really start share some of these stories. And you know, we just started we're still piecing together all this family from Romania and learning more and more and we're sharing stuff on like a Facebook group. It was a really big way for me, going back to your original question, was finding like your tribe almost, in a way. Like, you know, going back and finding people that you came from. I feel like I've been embracing more of my Jewish side and I actually have a copy of my grandmother's star that was sent to me in the mail from my from my grandmother. I have other things that came from my great grandfather including a wood carving he had done and it just feels like I'm I'm reclaiming a part of my culture by starting to explore more of this and and recover the side of the family for cousins that like you said, we didn't know we even had or and now we're, we're almost having that reunion later on back in time.

Stories in Our Roots  15:11

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Heather Murphy  15:52

Yeah, I think that's great that you've gotten so much out of meeting and contacting these like second and third cousins that even though your common ancestor is kind of a little bit farther back, that there's still that connection, even though it's branched out so much.

Melanie McComb  16:09

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, even if it was connecting with them and their parents, my grandmother was pulling up memories, but she remembers their parents even so it's like, you know, it's even bring even closer to the present time to know because you never you never know like who is someone's life. Because when Rebecca had passed, my grandmother was actually the one that had got the call or that was actually was notified first that she had passed and actually had to notify the children everything too.

Heather Murphy  16:34

Okay. So as you've discovered these different stories and these different relationships, how was your family felt about what you shared with them?

Melanie McComb  16:45

It's definitely changed. When I first started really, really digging into whatever the last few years something that I would I would be told quite often by my mother at times, though, she would kind of say like, "Well, why do you care about them? They've been along dead for so long, like, you know, like, it doesn't matter, like care about the living people." And now I feel like now we're at a point where now they're almost excited to hear like, "what else did you find out? What else? Can you tell me?" My grandmother, you know, even asked me like, try to find out with her father, why did he come from Latvia to America to find out more about his story and sort of share more of the details. So it's evolved, where it's at first, there's a hesitation of like, why are you looking into this and now it's like full embracing it and just wanting to, you know, further it any way they can.

Heather Murphy  17:30

 All right. On one of your blog posts, you mentioned some of the benefits that have come to your family from making all these other connections. And you've mentioned a couple of them already, like humanizing your ancestors and making those cousin connections. But you also said that you were able to bring closure to your grandmother by researching, could you talk about that?

Melanie McComb  17:53

I feel like because I'm because I've been researching a lot of my grandmother's line there are questions that I think she's never know her entire life that I've been able to fill in. For example, she never knew her grandparents on her father's side. We, she didn't know their names. And I was able to show her through my research where I was able to uncover thanks to like, archive.org there was like a directory in Latvia, I was able to confirm that was a ship manifest like her her grandfather's day. I mean, sadly, her father did not know his mother's maiden name when he got married. But at least we have a first name. It's a start.

Melanie McComb  18:27

So I mean, it so that closure, I feel like is like, it felt like a lot of people to immigrants, when they came to America, they, they may have not always talked about everything they left behind. Because when my great grandfather, Anton came to America, I mean, I mean, I was told that he was so poor, he wore like cardboard boxes on his feet, as a kid growing up. So the cost of coming to America must have been quite high. I mean, his father was a customs official, and maybe you got a cheaper passage, or it looks like he might have even worked on a Russian icebreaker. So he might have, you know, come over for the military, but the fact of knowing that you're going to leave your parents behind and never return again. I mean, that's huge. Just to know that and I think that by finding out these details about my grandmother's father, as well as on her mother's side, it's answering the questions they were just not prepared to tell, tell them at that time, and really share the heartbreak and especially being a Jewish immigrant. I mean, there was so much you know, anti-Semitism that's happened over time.

Melanie McComb  19:30

 One of my cousins I found was like in the military and he was actually assaulted by someone in his in his regiment, like with a knife across his face because he was Jewish. I mean, it's just think that that could happen to your fellow man, you're, you're someone that's close to protecting you in battle at any time, just because you were different. So by researching them, it's, you know, it's like I'm bringing them alive one more time to them and show my grandmother that like yes, they may have passed physically, but their bodies and their and their spirit and their stories will live on even beyond.

Heather Murphy  20:08

And how does knowing these stories, how does humanizing these people make an impact on how you live your life?

Melanie McComb  20:15

It shows me that I don't have to necessarily be the most had the most significant career and everything too. I mean, I'm obviously not gonna be president of the United States or anything like that, you know, just not for me, but could still do something, through my role with helping people. And I think just by showing like, there's, there's something to knowing your family history is just a deeper part of knowing yourself and knowing that your ancestors, you know, they made mistakes, they, you know, things happened, and it's okay. In the end, you know, it's like, they're still remembered for the good, even for the bad even for things we don't talk about. They're usually still remembered for the good they have in them. And I think that's something we can all take away with us that even when when it's our time to go we'll be remembered for the good and not always for the bad.

Heather Murphy  21:06

For those people who are just starting to research their family history what advice would you have for them?

Melanie McComb  21:14

I would say, ask your family a million questions and write down as much as you possibly can. Because I almost wish I had started even earlier. I wish that when I was 12 years old, and going to see my great grandfather, Anton, at 100 years old, I wish I'd asked him all these questions before he went. And I feel like that's the biggest loss we find is we don't ask the questions early on. And we lose that library, that internal library of information, even if something is just a, an old wives tale, or just has a little bit of fibbing that there might be some truth to it.

Melanie McComb  21:57

I mean, there's there's a story that was passed down in my family that my great grandfather, Anton, when he before he came to America, he he made his trip through South America. And it was talk that he lived among a tribe there and cut through the grass with machetes and everything and saw Python and everything. And I don't know how will true that is probably, but I did find possible lead on him in on a South America passenger list at a time where he might have been there. So it makes me think that maybe there is something too, maybe they did stop over when he was you know, with the Russian icebreaker. And then in the military, and they popped over briefly, you know, to South America for repairs or something, maybe there is something to it. But so even just that fable, there might be something to the story that is true, and gives you an idea of you know, a possible migration or something that happened in their life.

Heather Murphy  22:49

That's great. Sometimes it's just a little too easy to sit in front of the computer and just see what you can find and ignore picking up the phone and having a conversation with someone.

Melanie McComb  23:00

Exactly. And even if you can't talk on the phone, even maybe writing letters to relatives, and just ask them, "What can you tell me?" I email some of my cousins now every now and then. And just like, I'll ask them, and I'll see what they open up to I use like Facebook, you know, using like Facebook groups and pictures, like I texted my grandmother, my mom several times a week and like, I'll ask my grandmother like, Can you share me some new pictures and you found it, you know, while you're packing stuff off or something or you know, looking through them and like, and I save all them off? And I'll ask her like a million questions just again, what like I tell you to do, you know, say like, well, where was this picture taken? How old were you? What was the circumstances of it? You know, what was going on at that time. And I think anytime you can get family members to donate any of pictures that they don't want, be the family historian take on that role. Because even if you think you might not get into genealogy right now, you may get into a lot later when people are starting to go. And like you said, it is a lot more than just the research, learning about your family is learning a bigger understanding of where you came from and almost a bigger question of also why you are here and the circumstances are here. So sometimes it can be you know, I think in this time, especially with COVID, I think a lot of people are getting very introspective and thinking about all the family that maybe we can't see in person right now because of this virus. But genealogy is a way to connect us and you know, and share that with others when we can't be present.

Heather Murphy  24:29

And I like how you pointed out that you reach out to people in small ways and ask for like a picture or can you answer this question? Because I think sometimes people get overwhelmed with oh, I'll need to interview so and so for hours to get all their story, when even if you get one story from somebody that's more valuable than not reaching out at all.

Melanie McComb  24:50

Absolutely. Because I think the concept of an interview it might be very intimidating to someone saying hey, can I come over to your house and turn on tape recorder and let's talk for like couple hours. That's a lot to digest. Because you're thinking about like, boy, anything I say, Oh, it's on the record here versus getting bite sized information, think about getting just that, just that next step forward to learning more and just ask a little bit more each time and a little bit more and a little bit more.

Heather Murphy  25:19

Well, that's great. I think that's approach I need to take with my own grandmother because I have had a little bit of that overwhelm. I have all her pictures and she's she's told me about all the pictures but I don't know about her about know much about her personal story. That's great tactic to keep in mind. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for sharing some of your stories about yourself and your ancestors with me, I really appreciate you taking the time to visit.

Melanie McComb  25:45

Thank you for having me, Heather. It's been a pleasure and everybody out there, you know, just don't stop. Just don't stop, you know, looking into the family. Don't get frustrated, don't give up. There's always more to discover. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Stories in Our Roots  26:00

Thank you for joining me today for Stories in Our Roots. Please help this podcast grow by subscribing, leaving a review and sharing it with your friends. If you have feedback, or would like to recommend someone to share their story, head to storiesinourroots.com and fill out the form. Thanks again for listening and I look forward to being with you again next week.