Tamara Hallo | Inspirational Maternal Ancestors and Imbalanced Family Narratives

Stories in Our Roots
Tamara Hallo | Inspirational Maternal Ancestors and Imbalanced Family Narratives

Episode 9 • 28:14

SPEAKERS

Heather Murphy, Tamara Hallo

 Stories in Our Roots  00:03

Welcome to the Stories in Our Roots podcast. I'm your host Heather Murphy. In this podcast, we dive deep into how knowing the stories of our ancestors can make a difference in our lives today, discovering our family history is more than a hobby. It is a way to connect deeply with ourselves, those we love, and the world around us.

 Heather Murphy  00:25

Hello, and welcome to episode nine of Stories in Our Roots. I'm Heather Murphy. Now before we get started, I would like to make a little bit of a request. I am looking for people who would like to share their stories on this podcast. And I am especially interested in those of you who do this as a hobby or as just something to add to their lives. Not a professional. I'd love to share your stories. So if you'd be willing to be a podcast guest, please go to my website storiesinourroots.com and fill out the guest form and potentially you could be a guest on this podcast. Now today I talked to Tamara Hallo. We talk about her Swedish great grandmother who has inspired generations of women in her family. We also discussed the imbalanced way our family history has been passed down to us. Where one side of the family we have lots of stories and then the other side we don't, and how we have a responsibility to help correct that imbalance as we move forward with our descendants. Here's the episode with Tamara Hallo.

 Heather Murphy  01:41

Well, today I am here with Tamara Hallo and I'm looking forward to talking with her. I met her at the Salt Lake Institute of Genealogy earlier this year and I'm looking forward to hearing her story. Tamara, to start off could you introduce yourself a little bit?

Tamara Hallo  02:01

Thanks, Heather. My name is Tamara Hallo. And I was born and raised in Miami, Florida. And for those of you that don't know Miami or aren't familiar with Miami, it's a very unique place in that people just aren't born in Miami. Miami is a melting pot, and people come from everywhere. So to tell somebody you were born here, they're just amazed. I come from a very old Miami family. They migrated here in the 20s from Ohio on the edge of the building boom. So my great grandfather was looking for work. And this was the land of opportunity because it was just on the verge of explosion. So they ended up here. And then they ended up going back because things got a little bad. But they came back in the late 20s just about the time Miami Beach was exploding and all of the buildings and the Art Deco is was getting ready to start, all the hotels, and people were realizing this is a great place to vacation. It is very rare to be born here. It's definitely an interesting conversation when you talk to somebody and they ask where you were born.

 Tamara Hallo  03:17

Because we've been here for so long, and when Florida, or I should say Miami was still considered the South. We were raised in a family with very traditional Southern values and everything revolved around food. I don't care if someone was just coming over to drop something off, they brought food with them. There was always food, family.  And we were raised with manners and respect for family and all those things that you often hear are paralleled with Southern values.

 Tamara Hallo  03:53

Besides that, I am a professional genealogist, my background's in education, and in library science. So definitely genealogy marries with those two quite well. I love a good mystery. That's my favorite book genre. And that makes sense too considering we solve family mysteries every day in this profession. And I love watching British TV. That's that's my passion, reading and British television. So but that's that's a little bit about me and kind of what I do and where I'm from.

Heather Murphy  04:33

Great. Thanks for sharing that with us. Now, can you tell us how did you first become interested in learning your family history?

Tamara Hallo  04:42

Well, again, I was born into a very large family. We always had very large holiday gatherings with tons of food and get togethers and I think that sense of family really was the kindle to starting my family history. Within me, as I got older, researching my family became very important to me. I feel that deep down there is, we are just a very small part of a very large universe and that we all have the need to belong and to feel like we belong and know where we come from. And know that there is something bigger than us. And we also have this need to feel our place in the world, and how we got here and what brought us here and what made us the person that we are today. Discovering my family really allowed me to fulfill that need to know where I came from, and my bigger place in the universe.

 Tamara Hallo  05:47

I've also always enjoyed history growing up. And when I started getting into genealogy, I realized that it's a very interactive way to learn about history. But not the history, you're taught in textbooks, not the one sided history that you're used to. It's the side that's the real history. It's the history that people lived every single day, and the importance that that is to everyone. And to know that that's what made us who we are the ups and the downs and the in betweens, and not just textbook history. And I think that I really fell in love with that is just learning the realness of history and, and how it affected how our ancestors lived, and how that trickles down to us as the people that we are today.

Heather Murphy  06:42

So on your website, you mentioned that kind of how you started had to do with this binder of information that you got. Can you elaborate a little bit on that?

Tamara Hallo  06:52

My mother and I continued to the tradition of being genealogists. The family genealogy was started by a great aunt of mine. She had no children. So everything that she collected, she passed along to my mother, which was like her baby. It was so fascinating one day that I found this binder and I was like, "Mom, what is this?" And she said, "Oh, your Aunt Gertrude used to do genealogy." And I was just fascinated. When I found it it was about the time that the internet was just kind of what we are used to today. So there wasn't a whole lot on there. And I was fascinated that it was full of letters, that she actually wrote to the archives, and wrote to genealogical organizations like the DAR [Daughters of the American Revolution] to find out information. I was like, wow, you can do that? And then as the internet opens up, it just became so much easier to contact people and email people. And it just fascinated me that she was able to find out so much by contacting and reaching out to people and that these things really did exist out there that we could put our family history together. You know, now we just take for granted that it's all online. But back then I was just amazed that so much was available, if you just knew where to go, that was a really cool thing. She included pictures and with the research when she got older, and she realized that she needed to pass it on to somebody so wouldn't disappear. She handed it off to my mom and, and inside all of this binder. And in this box was a picture of over 100 years old of my fifth great grandmother. I was just fascinated that something like that could even still exist. This was about 15-20 years ago when my mother and I started. It kind of just took off from there and with my sense of family and the importance that family is to me it just it just went hand in hand and I just took what I just ran with it.

Heather Murphy  09:04

Can you tell some stories that you have learned in your own family history that have impacted your life in some way?

Tamara Hallo  09:12

Well, I believe that it really brought me closer to my mom. We would talk for hours on the phone about our mysteries and she would work on a line and I would work on a line and whenever we were on vacations or when I would go to her house or she'd come here we'd always go to cemeteries and we'd volunteer Find a Grave and take pictures. There were so many things with the research that we would find ways to communicate and ways that we hadn't before. I lost my mom to breast cancer in 2018. I realized, after all the research that we did that her life became another story that I needed to tell and that it's important to know and to share people's lives,  the lives of our ancestors, and share the good that they do in this world and know that in between the birth and the death dates that there's a story, that story needs to be told. And there's a bigger picture that we need to really get those stories and put them down, and how important it is for descendants to know the story of the people who make such a difference in this world, that were a product of their struggles and their hardship, and their determination and their happiness and their successes. And that's really what makes us who we are. It's definitely something bigger that can be explained when we talk about our family stories.

Heather Murphy  10:49

So you mentioned learning these stories, so you can see their struggles and see their strength and incorporate that into your own life. What stories of your ancestor has done that for you?

Tamara Hallo  11:01

The most important story in the family is the story of my great grandmother. She at the age of seven was sent to the United States with an uncle by marriage and had to leave her brothers and her sisters and her mother and her father, and she was sent to the United States to live with her aunt and her uncle at seven. And I just I can't even fathom that. She had her her trials and her tribulations. And she had many, many children at a very young age. And then her husband up and left her and six kids to take care of. She relied on the community for help but it was her determination and her strength of spirit that raise these phenomenal children that are so resilient because of her resiliency. She just became this inspiring woman that everybody in the family looks up to whether they knew her in person or through story. She was an inspiration to all of us and still is. And I think that's the most powerful story is her story of having to make it on her own at such a young age, and then to raise six small children on her own. And what she had to go through to do that is just an amazing, powerful story.

Heather Murphy  12:31

So with all this, all these stories that you've learned about your ancestors, how do you try to share that information with your other family members? How do you get them to still feel those stories,

Tamara Hallo  12:44

I love to share pictures that I find, share pictures along with the stories because that kind of solidifies the story. Because you can see, you can see in the picture, the person's pain, or the person's happiness, or the look in their eyes, that adds to the story. We like to tell oral stories in this family. We like to sit around and talk about oral stories when I'm with my second cousins and we talk about my maternal side of the family. We love to share the stories and really make sure that those stories and the things that our family went through, is known to everyone, even the young ones coming up. I like to share stories with my younger daughter, for example, when she's studying history, and she is studying the American Revolution, for example, I like to bring it up and say oh, you know, you had an ancestor that was a patriot and and we would talk about it then. So really just making it a point to share my findings and to make sure that people are aware of what's going on. And they always find it so cool, that things that I find and any little thing makes them happy. So just to make people understand a little bit more about the families is enough for me.

Stories in Our Roots  14:05

This episode is brought to you by my premium service Stories in Your Roots. Many people wander the internet hoping to come across information that will tell their family story. And while technology has made records more accessible than ever, wandering the internet will not provide the answers you are looking for. You need to know what questions to ask where to look for the answers and what to do with the information once you find it. To learn more about how you can have a family history coach help you maximize your discoveries go to heathermurphygenealogy.com/coaching. That's heathermurphygenealogy.com/coaching.

Heather Murphy  14:46

What has knowing your family history... So if you compare yourself to 20 years ago before you started doing the research, and now what would you miss if that was if that knowledge was gone? If it was like you've never started researching?

Tamara Hallo  15:02

I think, because she was such a strong woman, and so determined and so resilient, no matter what life handed her, she was always so positive, and always looked to the brighter side of things, because she was such an inspiration to everyone and kept the family melded together. I, I think that knowing her story, and knowing, like I said, how, how strong she was, because I think because of her strength, everybody else in the family, all of her descendants are truly truly strong individuals, especially the women, and I think we get that from her. She definitely had that stubborn, sweetest streak. I see it in me and I saw it my mother, I see it in my grandmother, I see it in my daughter's. And I think just knowing where we get that from, that really touches me in a way that I don't think I would feel the same if I didn't know her story, and know everything that she sacrificed for her family. Because I think that really makes me and and our and my cousins and my aunts and uncles I think that really makes us who we are and the determined strong individuals that are. Especially the women, because they had such a strong female role model. And I love knowing that we are part of that. And where we get our strength and resiliency from.

Heather Murphy  16:46

And did you know about this woman before that binder? Was it someone you talked about in family already?

Tamara Hallo  16:53

Yes, but not really. She passed away the year I was born. So I never got to meet her. And I only know her through stories. But what stories they are, quite incredible stories. I've always heard about her name. And my grandmother would always mentioned her because that's her mom. And she would always say Grandma Dolly would always say. So yes, but not on the level that I know now. Because once I started learning about her, I just wanted to know more. And I kept asking more questions. And then when my mother and I started researching, I asked her questions, and we found out more information. So yeah, I had known about her but not on the level that I know today. And I'm sure there's so much more to learn. Just a wonderful feeling to know that I came from such a remarkable person.

Heather Murphy  17:42

Yeah, I think that's interesting that even though we might know somebody, like their their names might be on our family tree, we know our relationship to them, that research really allows us to get to know them at a completely different level. I've always known the names on my pedigree chart that's just growing up from really young that's been there. So I was just really interested in your perspective, someone who was an adult when they started really getting into it, how that changes in your life, because I don't I don't have a before.

Tamara Hallo  18:20

Right. Yes. And and the same thing I could say with my dad's side of the family is my dad really didn't know his father. He knew of him. He really died young. So his name was never spoken. And I had a step granddad as a child, I always thought that was my true grandfather. Come to find out as I got older that no, that was a grandfather by marriage. And my real grandfather had a whole other story, then I was like, wow, okay. I guess it's that typical situation where it's not really talked about until you ask. And when I started asking, I started finding out and that just made me want to know more.

Heather Murphy  19:02

How was that in your family as you start learning about this part that nobody really knew much about before?

Tamara Hallo  19:09

It was fine. I am sure that my father would eventually have shared it with me. I think that essentially, you know, I would have found out. It's not that they were keeping it secret. It's just you know, that definitely wasn't the case. I it's just that it's not something that was talked about, you know, just like my husband's side of the family. They just don't talk about their ancestors. They don't talk about their fathers and their mothers and grandmothers and grandfathers. And and what I've learned I've had to pry out of them. It's sometimes it's just not discussed and not because it's it's hidden information. It's just, it's sometimes just not important to people. And I think as you get older with some people, it just kind of strikes a chord where you do want to know more and then sometimes it might take a while. Like my my daughter's 19 and she really, you know, I'll tell her things and she'll be like, "oh, that's nice." It doesn't... It doesn't strike a chord with her. But my little one she wants to know more. So I could tell she's that inquisitive type, like I was where once you know something, you want to know more about it. And you know, not to say my daughter when she gets older, won't want to know more, but just right now, she's not at that place in her life, where it's the most important thing right now.

Heather Murphy  20:28

And so even after you started researching, was it still not important to them?

Tamara Hallo  20:33

My mom definitely started taking an interest I we kind of the spark kind of lit and both of us about the same time. My father, when my mom would find information on his family, he would he was interested, he's like, oh, tell me, you know, let me look at it, but not to the point where he didn't want to know everything. You know, I don't know whether it brought up bad memories or what the case may be, or if he just was interested, but wasn't that interested. But he would say, yeah, let me take a look. And but that's probably the extent of it. He would take my mom to cemeteries, and they would do side trips, on vacations to cemeteries to find families. So he was interested because she was interested.

Heather Murphy  21:19

Yeah. So it kind of sounds like they're not at the level where you are where the stories change you. They're not to the point where they really care about having the story be part of their life. Is that accurate?

Tamara Hallo 21:34

Right. You're right, I would think so. Um, and like I said, they might not be because that's just not the right time. They just that spark hasn't been lit yet. And I think was some people that spark never gets lit. But I think what some it does, and they just might not be at the point in their lives where they want to know more, or it's it's just not important to know more.

Heather Murphy  21:58

Because you have one side of the family that has such a strong narrative that everyone talks about it and the stories have been passed down and then you have this other side where it's nobody talking about it, is your attachment to your father's side, to the ancestors on that side different?

Tamara Hallo  22:17

I would have to say yes. Because I think once you know the stories, and once you put that story between that birth and death date, that brings a reality to a person that you never knew. It's hard to make that connection with an ancestor, when you don't have the stories. You connect to them but on a different level. Because I know so many stories on my maternal side, I feel like I'm more connected to them in a way that explains who I am. Not that I don't know some stories on my father's side, but if I knew more I think I would feel that connection and, and know more about myself, just like what my maternal side has taught me. I'm talking more about my earlier ancestors. I know a lot about my close ancestors on my dad's side, but my earlier ancestors before, I would say, early 19 hundred's and late 19th century, I don't know much about them. It's definitely a different feeling towards the two sides of the family.

Heather Murphy  23:30

Why I ask is because I've noticed the same thing in my family. I have my father's side where the stories have been passed down, everybody's so proud of their ancestry or certain ancestors, and they're really built up. But then my mother's side doesn't have that same feel of "look at what our ancestors did and accomplished." I mean, we knew who they were, but the way the stories passed down were different. And so I can see how that can affect people, where the way their parents pass their stories down to them is going to influence how they feel about the different sides of their families. And now seeing kind of the starting with a pattern how that can happen in your family and my family. What is our responsibility to pass down to the next generation? If one side of the family isn't looked at for positive attributes what can we do to make that story stronger? So the next generation doesn't have that imbalance?

Tamara Hallo  24:33

Yeah, I totally get it. Especially when you look at it from the perspective of my children. They hear tons and tons and tons of stories and both positive and negative on my side of the family. But like I sat on my husband's side, it's not talked about. There is that disconnect, and with you mentioning it that it makes a lot of sense. There's the disconnect that they don't know the ancestors on that side, my daughters don't know them. They don't know their stories. They do know, but they don't understand the sacrifice that their grandmother had to make leaving Cuba and coming to Miami. Because the story was never told. She didn't speak of that. I tried to get them to open up because I want my daughters to know their ancestors on their father's side and their story. But it's really hard when people don't open up. I guess, like you said, so now it's my responsibility to find those stories. And I have started researching my husband's side of the family into Cuba, because I think it's important for them to know, and to not have that imbalance that you speak of, or I experienced, or you experienced, because I think it's just those ancestors just important and knowing as my ancestors for them, and to know what makes them the people that they are.

Heather Murphy  26:01

Yeah, I think sometimes it's easy just to gravitate toward the big, impressive stories, instead of looking at people that maybe didn't live such impressive lives, but realizing, like one of my guests that before Katherine that they showed up every day, and they did what they had to do, even if it wasn't anything spectacular. So I think that's interesting that I hadn't thought about until talking with you about how we have have a responsibility to pass down a more even family narrative than we kind of tend to.

Tamara Hallo  26:39

No, definitely it's it's eye opening. It definitely is, you know, I never thought of it like that.

Heather Murphy  26:44

Alright, so we're close to the end of our time here. Could you share a piece of advice that you would give to someone who is just beginning to learn their family stories?

Tamara Hallo  26:55

Definitely look for the stories between the birth and death dates. Genealogy and family history is not a race to see who can get 4000 names in their database. It's a journey that needs to be taken slowly with much thought and to really get the stories of the everyday life of our ancestors and tell how they made a difference in this world. And figure out who they are and how it affects you and your children. And how it makes you you who you are, and your children who they will become.

Heather Murphy  27:35

Well, thank you so much for talking with me. It's been a pleasure. And good luck on future family history, discoveries for yourself and clients.

Stories in Our Roots  27:47

Thank you for joining me today for Stories in Our Roots. Please help this podcast grow by subscribing, leaving a review and sharing it with your friends. If you have feedback, or would like to recommend someone to share their story, head to storiesinourroots.com and fill out the form. Thanks again for listening and I look forward to being with you again next week.